Today is my 41st birthday. I have been told all my life that with age, comes wisdom. No one ever mentioned the black chin hairs.

Why is that? Shouldn’t all the woman books have said something about the black chin hairs we will get as we enter our fourth decade of life? Those ones that hurt like hell when you try to pluck them out and often miss because you can’t see for shit anymore now that you’re old? Mine get so bad sometimes that I have to ask my Husband to pluck them for me.

Yes, ladies, this is what you have to look forward to as you age. And pimples.

What. The. Fuck. PIMPLES?!?! I’m not a damn teenager and even when I was I didn’t have any so why in the hell do I have them now??

Mother Nature is a real psycho bitch.

I’m digressing. I tend to do that more frequently now.

I am wiser now than I was twenty years ago. I am also a wife and mother. But I really don’t feel much different. I often ask myself, “when will I start feeling like an adult?” Of course, what does it feel like to be an adult? I always thought I would get some blaring epiphany when it happened — suddenly there would be this bright glowing light and all the answers for the uncertainties of my world would be immediately placed in my brain.

That has never happened.

Well, not yet, anyway.

No, what I have for my 41 years of life is a lot of  knowledge that is sometimes random or useless, an insane need for justice, a husband who I occasionally want to bang upside the head with my cast iron skillet and one beautiful, amazing and often incredibly frustrating almost seven-year old daughter. I’m not well off, we don’t yet own our own house and we sometimes struggle to make ends meet, but I am happy. And so is my family. Even when I bitch about momentary hiccups and injustices, I’m still happy. I have bad days just like everyone else. That’s life.

Maybe feeling like a grown-up is different for everyone. I sure don’t feel how I thought I would, though. And I really could do without pimples and stubborn chin hairs.

And the grey hair. I found some in my eyebrows. I guess I need to start dying them now, too.

But this feeling of being an adult? I’m not sure if that even exists. I go on and live each day as I should — I take care of my family, work on my graphic design business and occasionally slap up a blog post or two. I worry about things. I laugh at things — often at inappropriate times. And I love. I love my daughter. I love my Husband. And I love my life. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes it’s hard. But it’s all mine.

So happy 41st birthday to me, black chin hairs and all.

With Age, Comes Wisdom. And Black Chin Hairs. At 41. Damn. is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Today is Valentine’s Day. That made up by Hallmark day created to boost sales of greeting cards, stress out the men who forgot and make women without a love of their own play Adele’s Someone Like You on an endless loop while crying the ugly cry.

Yes, the day where you are either blissfully in love or thisclose to crawling into a bottle of Stoli. There is no in between today. No happy medium. You either have a Valentine or you feel like no one will ever love you. During lunch hours and rush hours today, the stores will be packed with those who failed to plan ahead. Or who received a not so subtle reminder from their wives last night. And no doubt, these poor saps will purchase things that no woman would consider a gift that represents the giver’s enduring love.

So I give you a warning. Call it a public service announcement, if you will.

These are the top 10 last minute gifts not to buy for your woman unless you want to get kicked in the nuts:

1. A Snuggie – what, you can’t be bothered to keep your woman warm?
2. Cookware – unless you plan on being the one to use it.
3. Any cleaning implement
4. A Chia Pet
5. Lingerie – we buy that to wear for you, dumbass, not the other way around.
6. An empty jewelry box – there better be something in there or you’re toast.
7. Chocolates – we buy those tomorrow when they’re half price, numnuts. Stop spending frivolously or you’ll be in bigger trouble than you already are.
8. A Forever Lazy – although my friend Jenny from The Shed loves the one she stole from her husband. But she’s the exception to the rule. Most women will kick you twice in the nads for this one. Also see #1.
9. A child’s Valentine card – knowing that you were too lazy to get a real card so you raided what was left of the kids’ class cards will put you in the dog house until at least the 4th of July, if not ’til Christmas.
10. A Valentine card not meant for the love of your life — using the excuse “it’s all they had left” will not help your argument. Trust me on this.

Should you lose your damn mind and buy any of these taboo items, I highly suggest you take tomorrow off, get thee to the jewelry store and buy her something sparkly. Add a few spa treatments to that gift for good measure. Oh, and clean the house for her. The right way. It’s the only way you might get yourself out of the dog house and laid before the 2012 Apocalypse. Otherwise, it’ll be just you and your hand for the foreseeable future.

Top 10 Last Minute Valentine Gifts NOT To Buy For Your Woman. Unless You Want To Get Kicked In The Nuts. is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Yes, I asked the question. Has Martin Luther King, Jr.’s message been subverted? Before you blurt out an answer, stop and think about it first.

In a time where the Democrats have taken a great man’s legacy, who was a registered Republican, by the way, and made him their defacto mascot for all things liberal (guess they forgot Dr. King was a preacher), where black men are always complaining about how the white man is keeping him down and they are forced to resort to violence and criminality to survive, then the short answer is yes.

Dr. Martin Luther King’s message has been crumpled up, torn apart and taped back together so poorly that it resembles nothing of the original. This man wanted peace and equality for all people, regardless of their race. He wanted a man judged by the content of his character, rather than the color of his skin.

He wanted us to all get along and respect one another, not try to destroy each other.

And what have we done? Have we honored his life by trying to be what he believed our society could be or have we spiraled down so far that we may never get back up? I believe, at least for a large part of our society, that it’s the latter. And it makes me very sad.

Would he like that his dream has been destroyed by the very people he dreamed it for?

You see, Dr. King is one of my heroes. Even though I was born after his assassination, learning about him in school made him come to life. I believed that his dream could and should become a reality. But that has not happened and I still do not understand why. There should be no racism, bigotry or hatred of anyone based on the color of their skin. As Dr. King said, a person should be judged solely on the content of their character. But that is not something that is done in this day and age. Even with a black President.

I have been called a racist because I don’t like President Obama — nothing could be further from the truth. I have been called bigoted by white Europeans because I did not know that Willie Wonka was a euphemism for white colonialists. Clearly, I’m not ‘enlightened’ enough. I am married to a Hispanic man, which makes my daughter half. Her Godmother is black and I have a black adopted brother.

Still want to call me racist?

The word racism has become a verbal slight for other ethnicities to lob at white people. It’s reverse racism. Yeah, I said it. If I had a dollar for every time I or my husband were deemed bigots because of our dislike of Obama, I’d be living on my own island in the South Pacific. It’s OK to dislike or even hate someone’s actions. It doesn’t mean you feel that way because they have a different skin color than you. I took Dr. KIng’s speech to heart and I have never judged anyone solely on the color of their skin.

But I have judged them on the content of their character. And I have run into people who call me racist because they were of bad character and black. Apparently anything said to those kind of people, even if it’s true, is considered bigotry, And don’t tell them you didn’t vote for Obama. You’ll get called the White Devil for that.

Does racism still exist in this country? Yes it does, but with a black man holding the highest political office in the land, it should be apparent that we have made great strides towards its eradication. You all need to realize that it has stop on all sides of the fence before racism will truly be dead. That means that blacks cannot use the N-word, ever. Even to your own race. No one should ever use that word again. It is the foulest one in the English language.

I want you all to think about this: If you don’t want to be treated like a stereotype, then stop acting like one. Stop shooting yourselves in the foot.

It’s just that simple.

I share Dr, King’s dream. I want everyone to be judged by what’s inside, not what color they are. The Civil Rights Movement in the 1960′s spawned the Black Power Movement. Unfortunately, some of those groups advocated violence and anarchy to achieve their goals. Still others birthed a whole generation who blame the rich white men for every problem they’ve ever had. I think Dr. King would agree that if you don’t like your circumstances, then you need to do something to affect change in your own life. Blaming a group of people for your woes is a cop-out.

Rappers need to stop promoting the Thug Life. Who in the hell wants to be a criminal? Always looking over your shoulder, wondering which car is going to pull a drive-by on your house and knowing you will eventually end up in prison or a body bag — sounds like such a great life now, doesn’t it? The Rap community needs to understand that they have glamorized murder, drugs, rape, misogyny and gangs. There is a whole generation of kids who have been stunted by this shit. And many of them believe this is how you act if you’re black. Or Hispanic. Or disaffected. Or just plain stupid.

It has to stop. NOW.

This is not what Dr. King was talking about when he said he wanted everyone to be free. Not by a long shot.

Aaron McGruder, the writer of The Boondocks, illustrates perfectly what I have been trying to get across in this post. This episode, Return of the King, explores what could happen if Dr. King did not die, but instead was in a coma for the last 30+years. How would he feel about what his dream has become?

…I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today…

 …And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

Has Martin Luther King, Jr.’s Message Been Subverted? is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Anyone Who Tries To Call Me At Home: Why don’t you ever answer your phone?

Me: The Diva gave it a bath a while back and it doesn’t ring anymore.

AWTTCMAH: Why don’t you just buy a new one?

Me: It works fine except for the not ringing part. Oh and I dropped one of the handsets, so the caller ID screen doesn’t work on that one anymore. Plus the one I would want to replace it with is over $200 and I can’t justify the expense right now. I also kind of like not being disturbed by a ringing phone every 10 minutes.

AWTTCMAH: But what if there’s an emergency? Don’t you want to know about something like that?

Me: They’ll call back if it’s important. Or leave a message.

AWTTCMAH: That’s another thing. Your machine is always full. Why is that?

Me: I have messages saved.

AWTTCMAH: Why?

Me: Evidence.

AWTTCMAH: Of what? What could you possibly need so much “evidence” of?

Me: Well, there’s my Evil SIL saying she’s sorry and won’t do the things she’s been doing to me anymore. Which, of course, she’s still doing. And a former landlord admitting to the shitty things he did to us and why. Those are kept for the lawsuit. And the current landlord giving permission for us to add deadbolts to the doors to keep Ro from wandering the neighborhood while we sleep. Probably a couple of phone numbers of people I don’t want to lose. Hubby’s nieces singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Ro when she turned 1 year old. Stuff like that.

AWTTCMAH: Why not just record it on a voice recorder?

Me: I don’t have one. And I need the time stamp stuff for proof.

AWTTCMAH: So you’ll just drag your phone to court if you have to? And how old is that thing, anyway?

Me: Yes. Why? That’s not OK? It was bought when Ro was about 4 months old. So, what? Almost seven years old? It’s a good phone. Corded base with answering machine and two cordless handsets. And when the power goes out, I can still call out for help.

AWTTCMAH: There is something not right about you, Shan.

Me: You’re just realizing this now? Boy, are you slow on the uptake.

AWTTCMAH: I got nothin’…

Me: Admit it, you still love me. I’m very loveable. And? You know no one else like me. I’m unique.

AWTTCMAH: Still, nothin’.

Me: That’s harsh, dude.

Conversations About My Phone is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

May all your troubles fade away at the stroke of midnight and be replaced with happiness, love and peace. Well, at least until the apocalypse happens on December 21, 2012.

Enjoy your last 355 days before then.

Happy New Year 2012!

Happy New Year 2012! is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Remember the Halloween light show I posted about? It was very cool and  at the time was the most popular light show in the country. Well last night I was watching the AMA’s and LMFAO closed the show. I thought, “Ok they HAVE to do at least some reference to the Halloween light show”. And they did! They used the whole thing on the screens behind and below the band! As they went into a second song, I figured they’d also used one of Kevin Judd’s light show and I was right.

This is from Kevin’s YouTube Channel:

LMFAO contacted me two weeks ago and wanted to use my Party Rock video for the AMAs, but also wanted me to create a new light show for Sexy and I Know It. It was all last minute, but it was fun working on this project. Thanks to LMFAO and their management/team for asking me to be part of creating the performance. A big thanks to Vidaroo for working so hard on the video. The performance was great and I had a lot of fun. The only somewhat disappointing part was the AMA started the house video 2 secs late and the sync was off. Oh well…who’s complaining…it was on the AMAs!!

I think that’s pretty cool, Kevin. And to think,  you got all this from doing a home holiday light show! Maybe YouTube will finally let you be a partner now.

LMFAO Uses Light Show From One Of Our Local Residents On The AMA’s!! is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

We all need tips for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse. Pay close attention and you will learn the best ways to kill, hide from and distract Zombies so that you can make a safe get away. I’m not kidding. These are skills we all need to have. No one knows when this will happen so it’s best to be prepared. Californians know this well. We’ve been preparing and bracing for The Big One since I was child. So far it hasn’t happened, but we all have earthquake survival kits in our houses.

Think about it, how likely is it that there will be some kind of super-virus that annihilates most of society sometime in the future? Considering that a virus can spread worldwide at an alarming rate, it actually is very likely. Even the CDC has an article on how to survive the Zombie Apocalypse and what to expect from them when it happens. This is not a joke. They actually wrote this themselves.

I say zombies are more dangerous a threat to civilization than 2012 or earthquakes.

But I’m weird.

And usually right about this stuff.

So there.

Or you can just trip your real friends so that they get eaten while you go on to help eradicate those smelly zombies and repopulate the world. Because that’s what real friends do…they sacrifice themselves in order to let you live.

My Husband and I love SciFi. We also have a thing for Zombies. Since last year, we have been watching AMC’s The Walking Dead. It’s a great show. With Zombies. Although, I must admit, I wasn’t always so keen on them. Or anything horror related, for that matter. Horror movies scare the shit out of me. And where did my husband take me on our first date? To see Halloween #something! I had my face buried either in my hands or his shoulder the whole time.

When I was pregnant, he took me to see not one, but TWO zombie movies. The first was Dawn Of The Dead, the second was Shawn Of The Dead.

I was pregnant. With his daughter.

When she was a baby and I needed a break one night, I left him to care for The Diva for about an hour. When I came back, I heard NOTHING. No noise, no crying. I was concerned. I walked in the bedroom to find him sitting on the bed with the baby in his arms while watching DAWN OF THE DEAD. I almost blew a gasket thinking he was going to warp my infant daughter’s succeptible mind.

But Ro was perfectly quiet and transfixed on the screen.

I still think that her young mind was somehow damaged by that movie. But I probably won’t know the answer to that until she’s a teenager.

Pray for me.

Tips For Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Just because you can’t see the visible scars of war on a Veteran, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Some come home physically unscathed from a war but are hiding the real scars that lie within their heads. Please be kind to them and help them if you can. Because it’s their sacrifice that allows you to live free in this country. So listen to the war story you’ve already heard a thousand times, thank the soldier in your life for fighting for you and thank God that we live in America, because freedom is never free. I am honoring the Veterans in my life today: My Father, Uncles, two brothers, paternal Grandfather and my Husband (even though he doesn’t think he deserves this status). Thank you for fighting for freedom.

And remember:

All gave some, but some gave all.

SOLDIER

Author Unknown

The soldier stood and faced his God

Which must always come to pass

He hoped his shoes were shining

Just as brightly as his brass.

“Step forward now, you soldier,

How shall I deal with you?

Have you always turned the other cheek?

To My Church have you been true?”

The soldier squared his shoulders and

said, “No, Lord, I guess I ain’t

Because those of us who carry guns

Can’t always be a saint.

I’ve had to work most Sundays

And at times my talk was tough,

And sometimes I’ve been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny

That wasn’t mine to keep…

Though I worked a lot of overtime

When the bills got just too steep

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear,

And sometimes, God forgive me,

I’ve wept unmanly tears

I know I don’t deserve a place

Among the people here,

They never wanted me around

Except to calm their fears

If you’ve a place for me here, Lord,

It needn’t be so grand,

I never expected or had too much,

But if you don’t, I’ll understand.”

There was a silence all around the throne

Where the saints had often trod

As the soldier waited quietly,

For the judgment of his God

“Step forward now, you soldier,

You’ve borne your burdens well,

Walk peacefully on Heaven’s streets,

You’ve done your time in Hell.”

To all that serve …

Thank you to all of you that have served or are currently serving our Country. You are so appreciated and loved. It is because of all of you that we have our freedom. The protester is able to do just that because of your blood, sweat and tears. Americans can speak out against our government because of your sacrifices.

Because of you, our Veterans, and all active duty soldiers, we are free, and I thank each and every one of you for that gift.

Honoring Our Veterans Because All Gave Some, But Some Gave All is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

My husband found this video over the weekend of a pretty cool Halloween light show set to music. The best part? The guy lives in our area so we can go by and see this in person. Kevin Judd has gotten over 5 million hits on YouTube and the band LMFAO shot a video at his house last night because they love what Kevin did so much! How cool is that? His creation has also been featured on CNN and local newscasts across the country. Not bad for some LED lights and a laptop, eh?

I wonder what he does for Christmas? LOL

Enjoy! Happy Halloween!

Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO

This Is Halloween from The Nightmare Before Christmas

The Most Famous Halloween Light Show In The Country Is In My Area! is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

You will have to blame The Bloggess for this. It’s her fault. She posted the link to the Rick Perry video. Then I went exploring. And I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. And I needed that today, considering what happened on Friday.

So these genius guys with WAY too much time on their hands decided to have some fun with lip-synching/lip-reading. The results are below. And if you don’t laugh out loud at any of these, there is something seriously wrong with you.

Just sayin’.

Someone Finally Revealed The Hidden Messages In These Videos. Thank GOD! is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog