Ever notice how society expects women to do it all? We are supposed to be wife, mother, breadwinner, chef, chauffeur, doctor, accountant, maid, teacher…should I go on? Because of these demands, we are all stretched so thin, I’m surprised we haven’t ripped apart.

Well I’m surprised I haven’t ripped apart, I should say.

Then we beat ourselves up because we aren’t SuperWoman, SuperMom and SuperWife. Is it any wonder that we are the most stressed out gender?

And hungry. I never get to sit down and eat a decent meal. I’m always on the go and my health suffers because I’m not getting the nutrients my body needs.

But this month, I’m taking it all back. I want to be a better moi.

(As I’m sitting here writing this on a Saturday night when I should be in bed…)

I can’t clone myself, I can’t afford a staff to do all the things I have to do each day, so I’m just stopping it all. How can I be what my daughter and Husband need if I’m trying to be all things? I need to concentrate on what I’m good at, what makes me happy and what’s best for my family.

That was really hard for me to say. I was a psychiatric nurse another lifetime ago in the state prison system. I quite successfully managed the medications and mental health files of a couple thousand inmates. I had it all running like clockwork. If an inmate didn’t show up for a scheduled appointment, I called out the dogs. Especially if they had a medication that was about to expire.

I once had an inmate come two hours late to her appointment with accompanied by a staff member. She was a prisoner. Where the hell could she have been that was so important? I was told that said inmate was busy rehearsing for the “friends and family” show they were putting on and was it really necessary for her to take time off for this appointment? I replied, “Well her psychiatric meds are expired and unless you want this prisoner to lose it in the middle of the show, I highly suggest she sees the doctor so they can be refilled. A psychotic break in front of family members and state officials would not bode well for you keeping your job.”

I miss that job. But I no longer have the energy for it.

I no longer have energy for much of anything anymore. I need to start taking my vitamins again. I know the benefits of being on a good regimen, but more often then not, life gets in the way. While I was pregnant, I made sure to take my prenatals and my Omega-3′s. I took the latter four times daily because I had read that it would help your baby have good eyes and greatly increase brain development. My Husband and I both wear glasses, so anything I could do to prevent my child from a similar fate was mandatory. I also have a tendency of becoming anemic, so the prenatals helped my iron levels stay normal.

And what do you know, The Diva  has perfect vision and is extremely smart!

Score one for mom and the power of vitamins!

I’m forty years old, I’m not exactly a spring chicken anymore. But I have a young child I need to keep up with and a good vitamin regimen will help me accomplish that. I should also mention that I run an online graphics/blog design business from home in addition to all of my other daily duties. Unlike a woman who works outside the home, I don’t get a steady paycheck. Trying to make my business a success is exhausting!

Finding a balance between work, home duties and having family time is three times as exhausting. And I barely leave the house!

So here is my plan: Omega-3 for overall health, Ginseng for energy, Prenatal to help make up the shortfall in my diet, B12 for that pesky PMS. I also need something to help with sleep. I haven’t found anything yet that, but I will. I plan to vigilant about this; I need to be the best I can be. That doesn’t mean that I will have a house that looks like it was cleaned, organized and decorated by Martha Stewart, nor does it mean that I will suddenly become a Top Chef. What it does mean is that I will be taking my life a little slower and not working so much. I need to be present in my life. I have a little girl who is growing up in the blink of an eye; if I turn my gaze away for too long, I will miss something important.

And that? That is just not acceptable.

 
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Shopping for vitamins and supplements can be overwhelming. So here’s a quick list you might want to share with your readers to make them a bit more comfortable the next time they’re in the shopping aisle:

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I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour by Mom Central Consulting on behalf of Nature Made and received promotional items to thank me for taking the time to participate. Please vote for my entry at www.facebook.com/naturemade between 9/20/11 and 12 noon (PST) on 9/26/11.

Taking It Back So I Can Be A Better Moi is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

My beloved cat, Zoë, was euthanized by what was supposed to be a NO KILL shelter. Why? Because he was too old to be adopted. I am beside myself with grief. We could no longer keep him, for various reasons, so I researched to find a NO KILL shelter that would have no problem with the fact that he was 10 years old and would find him a good home where he could live out the rest of his life. I SPOKE to these people repeatedly and they told me that his age was not an issue, he would still be placed for adoption and they would not euthanize him.

THEY LIED.

And now I feel like a murderer because I PAID these people to take my beautiful Mr. Zo and they killed him.

I hope he can forgive me. I hope I can forgive myself.

He was my first baby. I loved him so much.

Rest in Kitty Heaven, my beautiful boy. I’m so, so sorry. We miss you so very much.

Rest In Peace, Mr. Zo is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Growing up in the family I did was not easy…not by a long shot. I’ve already talked about my Mother and her craziness and how it has affected me and my Big Bro. It sucks giant donkey balls to not know that you can count on your Mom to love you unconditionally and be there when you need her the most. It’s even worse when you get blamed for everything that does  or will go wrong. I am  39 years old and I am the official whipping girl for my Mother and her side of the family. I have been for more years than I care to count. And I’m sick of it.

This past Saturday night, my Mother just popped her crazy ass up at John Wayne airport, called my Father-in-Law and asked him to come get her. She told no one that she was coming. She doesn’t have a place to live and my FIL won’t let her back in his house after the shit she pulled this last time. So he dropped her off at a motel, came home and called me at almost 11pm to let me know what was going on. Color me shocked. This is one of Mom’s dumber moves. He said she was schnockered when he got to the airport and gave some lame story about her sister just up and moving to Arkansas as her reason for just appearing in SoCal. I’ve since found out that this is not true, but hey, Mom has never been too good with the honesty part.

She has not attempted to call me and I have no clue where the motel is that she is staying at. I know that she will run out of money pretty quickly and then I don’t know what she will do. She can’t live with me, that’s for damn sure. I have a lease that says no guests allowed and I refuse to have an abusive alcoholic around my daughter. My Husband has also said no way in hell, so that’s that. I want her to be safe. I want her to be healthy.

I want her to be sober.

I am afraid she came out here solely to off herself.

I fear that her rock bottom will be death. She has been taken to rehab many times and always walked right back out. I took her four times myself. Each time was the same result. She said she didn’t belong there, that she didn’t need that place. Yeah, Mom, you’re doing such a bang up job all by yourself, aren’t you? Her sister told me that my Mom is my responsibility. I need to fix her. Uh, yeah, OK. Let me get right on that one.

NOT.

I am responsible for two people in this life, my daughter and myself. I have no control or influence or anyone or anything else. I’ve been on this ride before…it always makes me throw up. So, I’m done. My Mother is 64 years old. She is a grown ass woman who needs to take responsibility for her own life, actions and the consequences thereof. No one makes her drink…she does that all on her own. Nothing I do or say can or did cause her to become an alcoholic. SHE DID THAT TO HERSELF.

As a child I watched as every night my Mom would take EIGHT Unisom and wash it down with an entire  bottle of Blue Nun wine. Every night. And still complain in the morning that she couldn’t sleep. I took ONE Unisom once because I was having sleep issues.

It knocked me out for almost two days straight.

But according to her and her family, it’s all my fault that she is the way she is. Like I have that much power. Come on people, are you hearing yourselves? I have the power to get my Mother kicked out of places she is living in. I alone, have the power to make her drink or not drink. Do any of the Taylor clan who blames me for my Mother’s current state see how asinine that theory is?

Anyone?

If I had that kind of power, do you think I wouldn’t use it to say, oh, win the freaking lottery and get my happy ass out of debt an out of this shithole state? Seriously, does no one see the absurdity of this erroneous but widely believed statement? My Mother is an alcoholic. And an abusive one at that. She can and does burn her own bridges quite efficiently. Hell she burned the bridge with my FIL, something I never thought could happen. Ever. This was the man who tried to get me to have a relationship with my Mom for years because “she can’t be that bad, Shan.” Yeah, he found out differently and finally, after almost 20 years, believes what I have been telling him all along. He has said that my Mom needs serious help. I told him that years ago. I’m glad he has finally witnessed it first hand.

Oh and as for my Mom’s sister….you said that she needs help. That she can’t take care of herself. Then why the fuck did you put her on a plane to California knowing full well that she incapable of doing anything to sustain her own basic needs? You admit that she is a raging alcoholic in need of serious help, but you put her on a plane from Virginia to California anyway??? Ummm, hellooo? Anybody home? You don’t do that. You just don’t. Incapable of taking care of herself also means that she is incapable of making sound decisions. But you went along with it anyway? Even bought her a ticket over a week in advance?

I. Am. Flabbergasted.

The sheer stupidity of that move is so incredibly shocking that I have no words.

My Mother is no one’s responsibility but her own {Or a court appointed guardian’s}. However, you do not, under any circumstances, enable her half baked, booze laden ideas and decisions.

Common sense people. Come on. This is basic Life 101 shit here.

I want to now share a video with you that pretty much sums up my childhood. I heard this song by Pink a number of years ago and it made me weep. She was singing about my family. She was singing about my feelings. She was singing about my childhood. It’s called Family Portrait.

There is a line in the song that says

Daddy please stop yellin,
I can’t stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin,
cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you,
no matter what she says its true
I know that she hurts you,
but remember I love you, too

That was my life. My Mom would inevitably find a reason to tell my Daddy to get out, usually after he had gone on a bender {These did not happen that often, every few years or so for a week or two. I never said my Dad was perfect, but I loved him and he loved me unconditionally. And he always tried to make right what he had messed up, admitted he had a problem and asked for forgiveness. Something my Mother is wholly incapable of doing}. I would always beg Daddy to stay and tell my Mom if he left, I was going with him.

The following lines also hit straight home for me:

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, I’ve seen
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done
my family

Mom will be nicer
I’ll be so much better, I’ll tell my brother
Oh, I won’t spill the milk at dinner
I’ll be so much better, I’ll do everything right

I always spilled the milk at dinner. It was usually my Dad’s, not mine. He would get so mad. I would cry…over spilt milk.

Family Portrait is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

I love you, but you are quickly heading to UNDER the hill instead of OVER the hill. Do you realize you are halfway to 50 now? DAYUM.

Happy 45th birthday, Kev. You know I love you. And The Diva wanted me to tell you that she loves her favorite uncle and wishes you a Happy Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday, Big Bro! is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Yep, they’re back again. Will they ever learn? Not bloody likely.

I hope you are enjoying yourselves. And yes, I know that the BIL was on my blog yesterday morning {Because the SIL sent him links to posts in an email. And yes, I can see that , too. It’s called a referring link.} FROM WORK. At 10:36 am and he stayed on my site for 17 mins 14 secs. {My StatCounter shows the name of the company he works for as the owner of the IP address.}

Do neither of you ever actually work while you are at the office?

Oh and lookie there, my SIL was back on my blog again last night {September 24th} at 10:43:44 PM and the last activity was at 11:21:41 PM. I suppose it could have been my BIL because they do live in the same city, but I doubt it. In any case she is apparently enamoured with me, my blog and my stellar writing abilities.

As she should be. I’m awesome!

***You cannot hide the fact that you have been trolling my blog looking for…what? Am I that fascinating to you? There is no ammo anywhere on this blog you can use against me. It’s all the truth and/or my {And my Husband’s} personal opinion or belief. Like it or lump it, baby. Oh, my Liar, Liar post? The one you can’t stop reading? {Along with the rant I did because my Husband had pissed me off one day.} Yeah, everything in it regarding our daughter…my Husband and I made those decisions together. Actually, they were both his ideas.

So if your goal is to try to use anything on my blog against me, you will fail miserably. Just sayin…

PS: Don’t forget my blog and all it’s contents are copyrighted. You cannot copy or download anything from it without my express permission, which, of course, you don’t have. It’s just a friendly reminder.***

I guess I should be flattered. LMAO My stats keep increasing and that means more PR will be noticing me and my Google page rank will increase. Woo Hoo!

WOW!! Cyberstalkers in my own family. Whod’ve thunk it? I wonder if they know it’s against the law to cyberstalk someone? TEE HEE

Blog Trolls…Do They Really Think They’re Anonymous? Part Deux is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

A family member found my blog this past Tuesday. It’s my SIL. LMAO! I have no clue how she found me {I don’t reveal my full name online} or even why she is going through it with a fine toothed comb…OK, I am 99% positive that she is looking for ammunition to use against me somehow. That’s the only explanation I can think of right now.

I am sure she thinks I have no idea she found me, though. But guess what? I have a hidden StatCounter that tracks EVERYONE’S IP address, length of visit, location AND longitude and latitude {From SiteMeter}. I can see where you are, what Internet provider you are using and what pages you read. I can also see which of my graphics and pictures she illegally downloaded. {My blog is copyrighted}. I also know she was at work {The IP address comes up as the name of the medical office she works for} and should be doing just that, working, instead of trolling through my blog for 8 hours, two days in a row.

And what was with coming to my blog at 1 o’clock yesterday morning? Damn she was on it until 3 am! Does she really have nothing better to do? Guess not, huh? She doesn’t even like me, why is my blog so bloody interesting to her? She’s never treated me like I was part of this family…EVER. Or really even been cordial to me.

Well, hell…I AM a good writer, damn it!! I haven’t been personally asked to write for five, count ‘em, five other sites for nothin’!

She was back on again yesterday. All freaking day! AGAIN. Since 11:30 am? Damn, woman, you that bored? I wonder if she’ll come back today. Probably, considering she hasn’t quite read every post and finished going to every link…yet.

I must be simply fascinating! Oh, who am I kidding? I freaking ROCK!!

Please note: If you are going to troll my blog, visit my friends {Yep, I can see that, too} and go through each and every post I have ever written, why don’t you just leave a comment and be done with it? Anonymity isn’t what it used to be. Not on the world wide webby, anyway. There is always a way to track your visitors and block IP addresses.

By the way, why , exactly, did you subscribe to my blog? {I can see that, too} And just to reiterate, my blog and all it’s contents are copyrighted. And unless you have express permission from moi, ANYTHING you download, print out, etc., is a violation of that protection/law, so I suggest you delete them now.

Blog Trolls are so annoying, aren’t they? I’m hoping she got a good eye full and enjoyed herself. I guess she must have, since she has read damn near every post I have ever written, clicked on every link and downloaded nearly every picture! {Again, so not cool and totally illegal because I am copyrighted. Not that personal boundaries or etiquette have ever meant anything to her.} Oh, well. I have never written a single thing here on my blog that isn’t completely true or my personal opinion or belief. I just report the facts, Ma’am!

I almost forgot…she clicked on my Amazon links. I’m dying over that one! I have had Amazon for over a year and made bupkis. Now my SIL clicks on them and I may have made some extra dough from it, so it’s not all bad.

Bonus time: All her trolling has sent my stats through the roof! I have so many page views and returning visits, now!

I also found a couple of great posts about Blog Trolls while I was surfing for images earlier. The descriptions of them are hilarious! I am sure many of you have had at least one of these different types of trolls at one time or another. I think it’s funny how we all know a “stalker” that fits into one of those categories. “She who must not be named” anyone? LMAO {A shout out to my MomDot Mafia peeps: BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA}

The holidays are going to be extra fun this year. LMAO

Blog Trolls…Do They Really Think They’re Anonymous? is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

My daughter , I think, is destined to become a hall monitor. She regularly opens the living room window and yells at the neighbor kids to get out of the street. She yells at people to stop honking their horns, a regular occurrence in our neck of the woods. For some reason, no one can get out of their cars and walk up to someone’s door. No, they must lay on the horn, sometimes for 10 minutes, until their intended target hears them. My normal response is, “Your horn blows, do you?” I try not to say it in her presence; honking horns drive me batty.

But I digress…

A couple weeks ago, we were all sitting on the patio enjoying a rare evening summer breeze, when The Diva ran over to see what the neighbors were doing. The next thing we knew, she was crying, yelling at one child to stop hitting the other with a stick. “Stop hitting my friend!” she cried. “You’re hurting him!” She did not understand that it was a game and the sticks were “swords”. She’s four. The boys explained it to her, she understood, then all of a sudden it was funny.

A couple of minutes later, she came running over to me, crying once again{real tears each time}, with a frightened look on her face. She began to tell me that “Big Alex” had been stabbed with a stick, was bleeding and had to go to the hospital. Shocked, I got up to see what was going on. It was another game boys play that she didn’t understand. I felt so sorry for her. She was visibly upset, but just as quickly as her tears came, the laughter did, too.

The Diva has an attitude {Shocking, I know!}. She knows what should be done and she is not afraid to tell you when you aren’t doing it. She also tells you not to do something with all the inflection and authority of a Mother cautioning her child, hand on her hip and finger wagging! Yes, this is my baby girl.

Does this make her a busy body, a concerned, sensitive child or a know-it-all? Will she outgrow it? Is it really just a phase all children go through? Or has she spent far too much time with only me and not enough with children her own age? I worry about what will happen when she starts school. Will the other children like her or will her “concern” with what everyone else is doing, or not doing, make them ostracize her? Does it simply mean that she desperately wants to belong, be social and have someone other than her parents pay attention to her?

I hope it all goes well. I pray that she can make new friends at school. She is a very social child, she is just not well versed in social graces/interactions with other children. I think that may be my fault, in a way, because she has not been around many others her age.

Funny how this article started out as a anecdotal tale of of my daughters quirks and ended as one about my fears of her not being accepted by her classmates. I guess you never can turn off the Mama thoughts, can you?

If it doesn’t all work out, my daughter may very well be The Diva Hall Monitor. But at least she will do it with style and flair, looking fabulous, while wearing ballerina shoes and a crown!

Sensitive Child Or Hall Monitor? is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Waiting for baby…

Feeding time…I tried to get it on video, but I wasn’t fast enough.

Just Another Wordless Wednesday… is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

1. Dad of Divas 2. MushaMommy 3. blueviolet@ A Nut in a Nutshell 4. Ave @ Made In Canarias 5. Elizabeth @ Suzy Q Homemaker 6. Amanda@HouseholdSix

7. Louise 8. Coupon Divas | Kitty 9. Kimberly 10. Toni @ The Mud Bug 11. Marianna @ Green Mama's Pad 12. Tiffany @ Babes and Kids

13. Grampy 14. Sara Bonds @ Ordinary and Awesome 15. The Mom Buzz 16. You're next!

Just Another Wordless Wednesday… is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

OK, it’s getting down to the wire here. I am reposting about the fundraiser for my Big Bro. I know times are, well, pretty sucky right now. I get that, but if I can get 300 people to donate $2-5 each, I can make my goal. I just want to help my Big Bro NOT become homeless and another statistic/victim of this bad economy. He lives in Alabama, I live in SoCal, so it’s not like he can just come stay with me for a while until he gets back on his feet.

He just took every dime he made from a recent website design and gave it to his apartment manager to show “good faith” that he was, in fact, trying to get his rent taken care of. Alas, it was not enough and now he has no money for food or gas, much less utilities, and the ax is perched to fall on him very, very soon. He is trying to find a job, but where he lives, jobs are hard to come by right now. It really is a horrible feeling when you lose BOTH your jobs within TWO weeks of each other.

Please, I really need your help. He is a fellow blogger. He has a right wing political blog called Hard Reset. He is one of us. I have seen this beloved blogging community come together and make miracles for other worthy causes in the past, do you think we could do it again for one of our own? He actually has far too much pride to ask for help himself, but I was convinced that this awesome blogging community could pull it off.

I have raised $45 in two weeks {You have no idea how incredibly grateful I am for those donations. These people were completely selfless and gave what they could. They ROCK!}. My goal is $1200. Please, can you spare a couple of bucks for a really good cause? Just click on the “donate button” at the end of this post.

I have nothing to offer you but my {and my Big Bro’s} undying gratitude. I do not have anything to raffle off or giveaway. I am just a Little Sister trying to do some good for the Big Brother I love so dearly. Please could you help out in any way? If you can’t donate, could you at least post, Tweet or Facebook about this? If you can’t do any of those, could you please pray for my Big Brother? Anything you can do will be deeply appreciated.

Thank you.

My Good Cause:KSS Fundraiser

Blogging For A Cause:

Please Help My Big Bro

I Need 300 People… is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog