Me: The Diva gave it a bath a while back and it doesn’t ring anymore.
AWTTCMAH: Why don’t you just buy a new one?
Me: It works fine except for the not ringing part. Oh and I dropped one of the handsets, so the caller ID screen doesn’t work on that one anymore. Plus the one I would want to replace it with is over $200 and I can’t justify the expense right now. I also kind of like not being disturbed by a ringing phone every 10 minutes.
AWTTCMAH: But what if there’s an emergency? Don’t you want to know about something like that?
Me: They’ll call back if it’s important. Or leave a message.
AWTTCMAH: That’s another thing. Your machine is always full. Why is that?
Me: I have messages saved.
AWTTCMAH: Of what? What could you possibly need so much “evidence” of?
Me: Well, there’s my Evil SIL saying she’s sorry and won’t do the things she’s been doing to me anymore. Which, of course, she’s still doing. And a former landlord admitting to the shitty things he did to us and why. Those are kept for the lawsuit. And the current landlord giving permission for us to add deadbolts to the doors to keep Ro from wandering the neighborhood while we sleep. Probably a couple of phone numbers of people I don’t want to lose. Hubby’s nieces singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Ro when she turned 1 year old. Stuff like that.
AWTTCMAH: Why not just record it on a voice recorder?
Me: I don’t have one. And I need the time stamp stuff for proof.
AWTTCMAH: So you’ll just drag your phone to court if you have to? And how old is that thing, anyway?
Me: Yes. Why? That’s not OK? It was bought when Ro was about 4 months old. So, what? Almost seven years old? It’s a good phone. Corded base with answering machine and two cordless handsets. And when the power goes out, I can still call out for help.
AWTTCMAH: There is something not right about you, Shan.
Me: You’re just realizing this now? Boy, are you slow on the uptake.
AWTTCMAH: I got nothin’…
Me: Admit it, you still love me. I’m very loveable. And? You know no one else like me. I’m unique.
AWTTCMAH: Still, nothin’.
Me: That’s harsh, dude.