Family Portrait

[ 8 ] April 6, 2010 |
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Growing up in the family I did was not easy…not by a long shot. I’ve already talked about my Mother and her craziness and how it has affected me and my Big Bro. It sucks giant donkey balls to not know that you can count on your Mom to love you unconditionally and be there when you need her the most. It’s even worse when you get blamed for everything that does  or will go wrong. I am  39 years old and I am the official whipping girl for my Mother and her side of the family. I have been for more years than I care to count. And I’m sick of it.

This past Saturday night, my Mother just popped her crazy ass up at John Wayne airport, called my Father-in-Law and asked him to come get her. She told no one that she was coming. She doesn’t have a place to live and my FIL won’t let her back in his house after the shit she pulled this last time. So he dropped her off at a motel, came home and called me at almost 11pm to let me know what was going on. Color me shocked. This is one of Mom’s dumber moves. He said she was schnockered when he got to the airport and gave some lame story about her sister just up and moving to Arkansas as her reason for just appearing in SoCal. I’ve since found out that this is not true, but hey, Mom has never been too good with the honesty part.

She has not attempted to call me and I have no clue where the motel is that she is staying at. I know that she will run out of money pretty quickly and then I don’t know what she will do. She can’t live with me, that’s for damn sure. I have a lease that says no guests allowed and I refuse to have an abusive alcoholic around my daughter. My Husband has also said no way in hell, so that’s that. I want her to be safe. I want her to be healthy.

I want her to be sober.

I am afraid she came out here solely to off herself.

I fear that her rock bottom will be death. She has been taken to rehab many times and always walked right back out. I took her four times myself. Each time was the same result. She said she didn’t belong there, that she didn’t need that place. Yeah, Mom, you’re doing such a bang up job all by yourself, aren’t you? Her sister told me that my Mom is my responsibility. I need to fix her. Uh, yeah, OK. Let me get right on that one.

NOT.

I am responsible for two people in this life, my daughter and myself. I have no control or influence or anyone or anything else. I’ve been on this ride before…it always makes me throw up. So, I’m done. My Mother is 64 years old. She is a grown ass woman who needs to take responsibility for her own life, actions and the consequences thereof. No one makes her drink…she does that all on her own. Nothing I do or say can or did cause her to become an alcoholic. SHE DID THAT TO HERSELF.

As a child I watched as every night my Mom would take EIGHT Unisom and wash it down with an entire  bottle of Blue Nun wine. Every night. And still complain in the morning that she couldn’t sleep. I took ONE Unisom once because I was having sleep issues.

It knocked me out for almost two days straight.

But according to her and her family, it’s all my fault that she is the way she is. Like I have that much power. Come on people, are you hearing yourselves? I have the power to get my Mother kicked out of places she is living in. I alone, have the power to make her drink or not drink. Do any of the Taylor clan who blames me for my Mother’s current state see how asinine that theory is?

Anyone?

If I had that kind of power, do you think I wouldn’t use it to say, oh, win the freaking lottery and get my happy ass out of debt an out of this shithole state? Seriously, does no one see the absurdity of this erroneous but widely believed statement? My Mother is an alcoholic. And an abusive one at that. She can and does burn her own bridges quite efficiently. Hell she burned the bridge with my FIL, something I never thought could happen. Ever. This was the man who tried to get me to have a relationship with my Mom for years because “she can’t be that bad, Shan.” Yeah, he found out differently and finally, after almost 20 years, believes what I have been telling him all along. He has said that my Mom needs serious help. I told him that years ago. I’m glad he has finally witnessed it first hand.

Oh and as for my Mom’s sister….you said that she needs help. That she can’t take care of herself. Then why the fuck did you put her on a plane to California knowing full well that she incapable of doing anything to sustain her own basic needs? You admit that she is a raging alcoholic in need of serious help, but you put her on a plane from Virginia to California anyway??? Ummm, hellooo? Anybody home? You don’t do that. You just don’t. Incapable of taking care of herself also means that she is incapable of making sound decisions. But you went along with it anyway? Even bought her a ticket over a week in advance?

I. Am. Flabbergasted.

The sheer stupidity of that move is so incredibly shocking that I have no words.

My Mother is no one’s responsibility but her own {Or a court appointed guardian’s}. However, you do not, under any circumstances, enable her half baked, booze laden ideas and decisions.

Common sense people. Come on. This is basic Life 101 shit here.

I want to now share a video with you that pretty much sums up my childhood. I heard this song by Pink a number of years ago and it made me weep. She was singing about my family. She was singing about my feelings. She was singing about my childhood. It’s called Family Portrait.

There is a line in the song that says

Daddy please stop yellin,
I can’t stand the sound
Make mama stop cryin,
cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you,
no matter what she says its true
I know that she hurts you,
but remember I love you, too

That was my life. My Mom would inevitably find a reason to tell my Daddy to get out, usually after he had gone on a bender {These did not happen that often, every few years or so for a week or two. I never said my Dad was perfect, but I loved him and he loved me unconditionally. And he always tried to make right what he had messed up, admitted he had a problem and asked for forgiveness. Something my Mother is wholly incapable of doing}. I would always beg Daddy to stay and tell my Mom if he left, I was going with him.

The following lines also hit straight home for me:

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin
what love could be, I’ve seen
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done
my family

Mom will be nicer
I’ll be so much better, I’ll tell my brother
Oh, I won’t spill the milk at dinner
I’ll be so much better, I’ll do everything right

I always spilled the milk at dinner. It was usually my Dad’s, not mine. He would get so mad. I would cry…over spilt milk.


P!nk – Family Portrait (Official Music Video) – Watch more top selected videos about: Pink_(singer)

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Category: Family, My Opinions

About the Author ()

I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupid™. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.

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  1. OH Shan You are so right that no one can be in charge of your mother’s life other than herself. I pray that you get some sleep and some peace. I pray that she does get the help she needs.
    .-= Frantic Holly´s last blog ..Heavy Crown Jewelry =-.

    • Shan says:

      Thank you Holly. I just wish that her sisters would understand that and stop blaming me. I am so tired of being the whipping girl.

      Thank you for the prayers. We can all use more prayer.

      And sleep. 😀

  2. Shan I’m so sorry you have to go through all this 🙁 Holly is right, it is only up to your mother to change herself, the only thing you can do is help when possible and try to help push her into the right direction.

    I hope that you can get some sleep sometime real soon and have peace with all of this. I’m here if you need to chat!
    .-= Shawn Ann @ Shawn Ann’s World´s last blog ..Oh the pain! =-.

  3. Katie says:

    as someone who has a mother who has bipolar tendencies, I can completely empathize with you. SHE has to want to make the changes, and until she does that I think you have every right to not want her to be part of your lives. Big hugs, I know how much this sucks 🙁
    .-= Katie´s last blog ..Parent’s Choice $avings Calculator =-.

  4. Oh Shannon my heart breaks for you. I dont have a mom like that but I sure do have a mother in law like that. I have seen what she does to my husband and I have seen what she has done to my children. You are very wise for cutting ties and not allowing the toxic behavior. I would continue to cut the toxic out of your life. HUGS
    .-= sarah @caiafa craziness´s last blog ..making it green =-.

  5. I have an alcoholic mom that is basically a stranger to me. I just packed up and moved on from it and really dont care. There are too many good people in life to worry about the toxic ones.

    trisha

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