Today is Valentine’s Day. That made up by Hallmark day created to boost sales of greeting cards, stress out the men who forgot and make women without a love of their own play Adele’s Someone Like You on an endless loop while crying the ugly cry.

Yes, the day where you are either blissfully in love or thisclose to crawling into a bottle of Stoli. There is no in between today. No happy medium. You either have a Valentine or you feel like no one will ever love you. During lunch hours and rush hours today, the stores will be packed with those who failed to plan ahead. Or who received a not so subtle reminder from their wives last night. And no doubt, these poor saps will purchase things that no woman would consider a gift that represents the giver’s enduring love.

So I give you a warning. Call it a public service announcement, if you will.

These are the top 10 last minute gifts not to buy for your woman unless you want to get kicked in the nuts:

1. A Snuggie – what, you can’t be bothered to keep your woman warm?
2. Cookware – unless you plan on being the one to use it.
3. Any cleaning implement
4. A Chia Pet
5. Lingerie – we buy that to wear for you, dumbass, not the other way around.
6. An empty jewelry box – there better be something in there or you’re toast.
7. Chocolates – we buy those tomorrow when they’re half price, numnuts. Stop spending frivolously or you’ll be in bigger trouble than you already are.
8. A Forever Lazy – although my friend Jenny from The Shed loves the one she stole from her husband. But she’s the exception to the rule. Most women will kick you twice in the nads for this one. Also see #1.
9. A child’s Valentine card – knowing that you were too lazy to get a real card so you raided what was left of the kids’ class cards will put you in the dog house until at least the 4th of July, if not ’til Christmas.
10. A Valentine card not meant for the love of your life — using the excuse “it’s all they had left” will not help your argument. Trust me on this.

Should you lose your damn mind and buy any of these taboo items, I highly suggest you take tomorrow off, get thee to the jewelry store and buy her something sparkly. Add a few spa treatments to that gift for good measure. Oh, and clean the house for her. The right way. It’s the only way you might get yourself out of the dog house and laid before the 2012 Apocalypse. Otherwise, it’ll be just you and your hand for the foreseeable future.

Top 10 Last Minute Valentine’s Gifts NOT To Buy For Your Woman. Unless You Want To Get Kicked In The Nuts. is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

I’m sure you have all heard about SOPA, PIPA and SB 1867 by now. And I hope all of you are outraged about them. Some of the biggest names on the internet are so incensed over these proposed laws that they are either shutting down for 24hours or protesting in some major way. The sites shutting down and/or protesting include Google, Reddit, Facebook, Twitter, Mozilla and Wikipedia.  Although GoDaddy has since softened their stance, they initially supported SOPA wholeheartedly — that was until people started taking their business elsewhere. They lost over 37,000 domains during Move Your Domain Day. Yet another reason I hate GoDaddy.

The Constitution of these United States and The Bill of Rights gives us personal freedoms that are ours by birthright and law. However, our current government wants to regulate every thing we do — even in the privacy of our own homes.

Big Brother, much?

In an effort to curtail internet piracy, strengthen intellectual property laws — who are they kidding? These proposed laws have nothing to do with keeping anyone — or anything — safe, save for the wallets of Hollywood Big-Wigs and corporations. Under the guise of ‘security’ these bills have been introduced into the Senate with the hopes that they will pass and those with all the gold will get to decide what us peons can and cannot do on the internet.

These laws could make it so that bloggers like myself could be arrested, detained, convicted and executed without due process just for speaking out against the government. In fact, that’s just was SB 1867 says; It was quietly passed last month. It also allows bestiality for those in the military, along with repealing ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ — DADT can stay, all the other crap in that bill needs to GO! That’s the first hit to our unalienable rights.

If SOPA and PIPA pass on January 24, 2012, The MPAA and RIAA, along with their allies in Hollyweird, will get a law that will  “give the U.S. government the power to censor the Web using techniques similar to those used by China, Malaysia and Iran”. SOPA would allow the Justice Department to seek an order making allegedly piratical sites essentially vanish from the internet. That’s CENSORSHIP and a blatant attempt to strip all American citizens of their personal freedoms.

This is the email I just recieved from Mozilla, entitled Why is the Internet on strike today?:

Today, Mozilla is joining the virtual strike against Internet censorship – along with others like Wikipedia and Google – to raise awareness of US Congress legislation that could fundamentally alter the Internet we know and love.

This harmful legislation, called the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House and the PROTECT IP Act (PIPA) in the Senate, will be voted on as early as January 24th in the Senate.

If you live in the US, there’s still time to help stop these bills from becoming law. Please visit mozilla.org/sopa for information on the bill, and on ways you can reach out to your senators.

What makes this legislation so bad? Here’s how it would change the Web:

• Communication platforms – from YouTube to Facebook to Amazon – could be shut down if a single rights holder alleges a violation.
• It would make the Web less stable and less secure.
• Social networking sites, like Twitter or Facebook, could be forced to track and control user behavior, stunting innovation and undermining free expression.
• Your Internet provider could be required to inspect all of your traffic and browsing.

Visit mozilla.org/sopa right now for information – and make your voice heard before it’s too late.

Please join today’s strike, and help protect the Internet.

Sincerely,

Jane & Winston
Editors

This is not a Third-World country and we are not living in a dictatorship, police state or under communist rule — yet. So while we still have voices, while we can still stand up for what we believe, DO IT. We may not get another chance.

It’s only six short days until the vote. We must stop this from becoming law.

STOP #SOPA, #PIPA AND REPEAL SB 1867 BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!!

Stop SOPA, PIPA And Repeal SB 1867: Save Our Personal Freedoms And Constitutional Rights is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Yes, I asked the question. Has Martin Luther King, Jr.’s message been subverted? Before you blurt out an answer, stop and think about it first.

In a time where the Democrats have taken a great man’s legacy, who was a registered Republican, by the way, and made him their defacto mascot for all things liberal (guess they forgot Dr. King was a preacher), where black men are always complaining about how the white man is keeping him down and they are forced to resort to violence and criminality to survive, then the short answer is yes.

Dr. Martin Luther King’s message has been crumpled up, torn apart and taped back together so poorly that it resembles nothing of the original. This man wanted peace and equality for all people, regardless of their race. He wanted a man judged by the content of his character, rather than the color of his skin.

He wanted us to all get along and respect one another, not try to destroy each other.

And what have we done? Have we honored his life by trying to be what he believed our society could be or have we spiraled down so far that we may never get back up? I believe, at least for a large part of our society, that it’s the latter. And it makes me very sad.

Would he like that his dream has been destroyed by the very people he dreamed it for?

You see, Dr. King is one of my heroes. Even though I was born after his assassination, learning about him in school made him come to life. I believed that his dream could and should become a reality. But that has not happened and I still do not understand why. There should be no racism, bigotry or hatred of anyone based on the color of their skin. As Dr. King said, a person should be judged solely on the content of their character. But that is not something that is done in this day and age. Even with a black President.

I have been called a racist because I don’t like President Obama — nothing could be further from the truth. I have been called bigoted by white Europeans because I did not know that Willie Wonka was a euphemism for white colonialists. Clearly, I’m not ‘enlightened’ enough. I am married to a Hispanic man, which makes my daughter half. Her Godmother is black and I have a black adopted brother.

Still want to call me racist?

The word racism has become a verbal slight for other ethnicities to lob at white people. It’s reverse racism. Yeah, I said it. If I had a dollar for every time I or my husband were deemed bigots because of our dislike of Obama, I’d be living on my own island in the South Pacific. It’s OK to dislike or even hate someone’s actions. It doesn’t mean you feel that way because they have a different skin color than you. I took Dr. KIng’s speech to heart and I have never judged anyone solely on the color of their skin.

But I have judged them on the content of their character. And I have run into people who call me racist because they were of bad character and black. Apparently anything said to those kind of people, even if it’s true, is considered bigotry, And don’t tell them you didn’t vote for Obama. You’ll get called the White Devil for that.

Does racism still exist in this country? Yes it does, but with a black man holding the highest political office in the land, it should be apparent that we have made great strides towards its eradication. You all need to realize that it has stop on all sides of the fence before racism will truly be dead. That means that blacks cannot use the N-word, ever. Even to your own race. No one should ever use that word again. It is the foulest one in the English language.

I want you all to think about this: If you don’t want to be treated like a stereotype, then stop acting like one. Stop shooting yourselves in the foot.

It’s just that simple.

I share Dr, King’s dream. I want everyone to be judged by what’s inside, not what color they are. The Civil Rights Movement in the 1960′s spawned the Black Power Movement. Unfortunately, some of those groups advocated violence and anarchy to achieve their goals. Still others birthed a whole generation who blame the rich white men for every problem they’ve ever had. I think Dr. King would agree that if you don’t like your circumstances, then you need to do something to affect change in your own life. Blaming a group of people for your woes is a cop-out.

Rappers need to stop promoting the Thug Life. Who in the hell wants to be a criminal? Always looking over your shoulder, wondering which car is going to pull a drive-by on your house and knowing you will eventually end up in prison or a body bag — sounds like such a great life now, doesn’t it? The Rap community needs to understand that they have glamorized murder, drugs, rape, misogyny and gangs. There is a whole generation of kids who have been stunted by this shit. And many of them believe this is how you act if you’re black. Or Hispanic. Or disaffected. Or just plain stupid.

It has to stop. NOW.

This is not what Dr. King was talking about when he said he wanted everyone to be free. Not by a long shot.

Aaron McGruder, the writer of The Boondocks, illustrates perfectly what I have been trying to get across in this post. This episode, Return of the King, explores what could happen if Dr. King did not die, but instead was in a coma for the last 30+years. How would he feel about what his dream has become?

…I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today…

 …And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!”

Has Martin Luther King, Jr.’s Message Been Subverted? is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Anyone Who Tries To Call Me At Home: Why don’t you ever answer your phone?

Me: The Diva gave it a bath a while back and it doesn’t ring anymore.

AWTTCMAH: Why don’t you just buy a new one?

Me: It works fine except for the not ringing part. Oh and I dropped one of the handsets, so the caller ID screen doesn’t work on that one anymore. Plus the one I would want to replace it with is over $200 and I can’t justify the expense right now. I also kind of like not being disturbed by a ringing phone every 10 minutes.

AWTTCMAH: But what if there’s an emergency? Don’t you want to know about something like that?

Me: They’ll call back if it’s important. Or leave a message.

AWTTCMAH: That’s another thing. Your machine is always full. Why is that?

Me: I have messages saved.

AWTTCMAH: Why?

Me: Evidence.

AWTTCMAH: Of what? What could you possibly need so much “evidence” of?

Me: Well, there’s my Evil SIL saying she’s sorry and won’t do the things she’s been doing to me anymore. Which, of course, she’s still doing. And a former landlord admitting to the shitty things he did to us and why. Those are kept for the lawsuit. And the current landlord giving permission for us to add deadbolts to the doors to keep Ro from wandering the neighborhood while we sleep. Probably a couple of phone numbers of people I don’t want to lose. Hubby’s nieces singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Ro when she turned 1 year old. Stuff like that.

AWTTCMAH: Why not just record it on a voice recorder?

Me: I don’t have one. And I need the time stamp stuff for proof.

AWTTCMAH: So you’ll just drag your phone to court if you have to? And how old is that thing, anyway?

Me: Yes. Why? That’s not OK? It was bought when Ro was about 4 months old. So, what? Almost seven years old? It’s a good phone. Corded base with answering machine and two cordless handsets. And when the power goes out, I can still call out for help.

AWTTCMAH: There is something not right about you, Shan.

Me: You’re just realizing this now? Boy, are you slow on the uptake.

AWTTCMAH: I got nothin’…

Me: Admit it, you still love me. I’m very loveable. And? You know no one else like me. I’m unique.

AWTTCMAH: Still, nothin’.

Me: That’s harsh, dude.

Conversations About My Phone is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

May all your troubles fade away at the stroke of midnight and be replaced with happiness, love and peace. Well, at least until the apocalypse happens on December 21, 2012.

Enjoy your last 355 days before then.

Happy New Year 2012!

Happy New Year 2012! is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Remember the Halloween light show I posted about? It was very cool and  at the time was the most popular light show in the country. Well last night I was watching the AMA’s and LMFAO closed the show. I thought, “Ok they HAVE to do at least some reference to the Halloween light show”. And they did! They used the whole thing on the screens behind and below the band! As they went into a second song, I figured they’d also used one of Kevin Judd’s light show and I was right.

This is from Kevin’s YouTube Channel:

LMFAO contacted me two weeks ago and wanted to use my Party Rock video for the AMAs, but also wanted me to create a new light show for Sexy and I Know It. It was all last minute, but it was fun working on this project. Thanks to LMFAO and their management/team for asking me to be part of creating the performance. A big thanks to Vidaroo for working so hard on the video. The performance was great and I had a lot of fun. The only somewhat disappointing part was the AMA started the house video 2 secs late and the sync was off. Oh well…who’s complaining…it was on the AMAs!!

I think that’s pretty cool, Kevin. And to think,  you got all this from doing a home holiday light show! Maybe YouTube will finally let you be a partner now.

LMFAO Uses Light Show From One Of Our Local Residents On The AMA’s!! is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

We all need tips for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse. Pay close attention and you will learn the best ways to kill, hide from and distract Zombies so that you can make a safe get away. I’m not kidding. These are skills we all need to have. No one knows when this will happen so it’s best to be prepared. Californians know this well. We’ve been preparing and bracing for The Big One since I was child. So far it hasn’t happened, but we all have earthquake survival kits in our houses.

Think about it, how likely is it that there will be some kind of super-virus that annihilates most of society sometime in the future? Considering that a virus can spread worldwide at an alarming rate, it actually is very likely. Even the CDC has an article on how to survive the Zombie Apocalypse and what to expect from them when it happens. This is not a joke. They actually wrote this themselves.

I say zombies are more dangerous a threat to civilization than 2012 or earthquakes.

But I’m weird.

And usually right about this stuff.

So there.

Or you can just trip your real friends so that they get eaten while you go on to help eradicate those smelly zombies and repopulate the world. Because that’s what real friends do…they sacrifice themselves in order to let you live.

My Husband and I love SciFi. We also have a thing for Zombies. Since last year, we have been watching AMC’s The Walking Dead. It’s a great show. With Zombies. Although, I must admit, I wasn’t always so keen on them. Or anything horror related, for that matter. Horror movies scare the shit out of me. And where did my husband take me on our first date? To see Halloween #something! I had my face buried either in my hands or his shoulder the whole time.

When I was pregnant, he took me to see not one, but TWO zombie movies. The first was Dawn Of The Dead, the second was Shawn Of The Dead.

I was pregnant. With his daughter.

When she was a baby and I needed a break one night, I left him to care for The Diva for about an hour. When I came back, I heard NOTHING. No noise, no crying. I was concerned. I walked in the bedroom to find him sitting on the bed with the baby in his arms while watching DAWN OF THE DEAD. I almost blew a gasket thinking he was going to warp my infant daughter’s succeptible mind.

But Ro was perfectly quiet and transfixed on the screen.

I still think that her young mind was somehow damaged by that movie. But I probably won’t know the answer to that until she’s a teenager.

Pray for me.

Tips For Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

A few days before Halloween, I started seeing commercials for Christmas. Christmas. In October. The day after Halloween, every other commercial was Christmas themed and it’s only getting more prevalent. What the hell is going on, people?? Have you all forgotten about Thanksgiving already?? You know, the holiday with all the great food and family? The one about the Pilgrims, Indians and a nice juicy turkey? The one that comes before Christmas?

THAT ONE.

It does not help that in early October we went to Macy’s and found the store already fully decorated for Christmas! We hadn’t even gotten through Halloween yet! Every store I have been to in the last 60 days has had at least three aisles of Christmas and some decorations up already. What the hell?? I half expected to see Santa’s workshop and chair set up in the mall by October 15th! But I guess the guys who play Santa have to fatten up a bit more before they can don the red suits. That’s why they don’t appear in public until after Thanksgiving — they need all the wonderful calories we get from that one meal to put them over the edge into “bowl full of jelly” belly land.

Wait, I take that back.

We went to our local mall Saturday — before I was finished writing this post — and guess who’s already firmly ensconced in the Food Court? You guessed it, SANTA!!!

What the hell people?!?!?!?!?

Here is how the holidays are supposed to go:

1. Our kids go back to school in September (August out here in The Land of The Stupid).
2. We get ready for Halloween.
3. We Trick-or-Treat.
4. We get ready for Thanksgiving and occasionally think about Christmas.
5. We celebrate Thanksgiving by eating ourselves into a turkey coma and come back for more around midnight.
6. We continue to eat leftovers for days.
7. The fat man in the red suit first appears at the mall the day after Thanksgiving.
8. We start getting ready for Christmas.
9. After Christmas, we think about New Year’s, resolutions and how the hell we’re going to fit all the kids’ new stuff in our already cramped homes.

That’s how it goes.  But Thanksgiving always comes first.

I know the economy still sucks, but retailers need to realize that most of us are barely getting to the next holiday unscathed and inundating us with Christmas almost three months early is only going to annoy and depress us.

Just STOP. We all know when Christmas comes. It’s on the same day every year; kind of hard to miss. You are not going to make more money by battering us over the head with the fact that Christmas is coming, K?

And the holiday muzak in the stores? Dear Lord, if y’all don’t cut it down, I’ll blow them all up myself. There is no reason on God’s green earth that  stores should have Christmas carols playing non-stop in the beginning of November! *cough* The Childrens Place *cough* It’s like when KOST 103.5 started playing them starting November 1st one year…they got so many complaints, I think their switchboard blew up. I decided right then and there that I would boycott that station forever. And I have.

So, can we please get through Thanksgiving and give that day the honor it deserves before the whole retail world begins to look like elves threw up on it?

Thanks.

Have You All Forgotten About Thanksgiving Already?? is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Just because you can’t see the visible scars of war on a Veteran, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Some come home physically unscathed from a war but are hiding the real scars that lie within their heads. Please be kind to them and help them if you can. Because it’s their sacrifice that allows you to live free in this country. So listen to the war story you’ve already heard a thousand times, thank the soldier in your life for fighting for you and thank God that we live in America, because freedom is never free. I am honoring the Veterans in my life today: My Father, Uncles, two brothers, paternal Grandfather and my Husband (even though he doesn’t think he deserves this status). Thank you for fighting for freedom.

And remember:

All gave some, but some gave all.

SOLDIER

Author Unknown

The soldier stood and faced his God

Which must always come to pass

He hoped his shoes were shining

Just as brightly as his brass.

“Step forward now, you soldier,

How shall I deal with you?

Have you always turned the other cheek?

To My Church have you been true?”

The soldier squared his shoulders and

said, “No, Lord, I guess I ain’t

Because those of us who carry guns

Can’t always be a saint.

I’ve had to work most Sundays

And at times my talk was tough,

And sometimes I’ve been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny

That wasn’t mine to keep…

Though I worked a lot of overtime

When the bills got just too steep

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear,

And sometimes, God forgive me,

I’ve wept unmanly tears

I know I don’t deserve a place

Among the people here,

They never wanted me around

Except to calm their fears

If you’ve a place for me here, Lord,

It needn’t be so grand,

I never expected or had too much,

But if you don’t, I’ll understand.”

There was a silence all around the throne

Where the saints had often trod

As the soldier waited quietly,

For the judgment of his God

“Step forward now, you soldier,

You’ve borne your burdens well,

Walk peacefully on Heaven’s streets,

You’ve done your time in Hell.”

To all that serve …

Thank you to all of you that have served or are currently serving our Country. You are so appreciated and loved. It is because of all of you that we have our freedom. The protester is able to do just that because of your blood, sweat and tears. Americans can speak out against our government because of your sacrifices.

Because of you, our Veterans, and all active duty soldiers, we are free, and I thank each and every one of you for that gift.

Honoring Our Veterans Because All Gave Some, But Some Gave All is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Smart and Final has teamed up with the California Milk Advisory Board in the Help Our Teachers, Help Our Kids campaign. It works much like the Box Tops For Education campaign, only these seals are on Real California Milk products (except those sold on school premises). Students & families collect Real California milk seals from select First Street products, then teachers submit seals to the CMAB. Each seal counts as one sweepstakes entry. Teachers who submit 100 seals get 25 Scholastic books or a $25 school supply gift card. Each teacher entrant gets one Scholastic book. The winners will be announced in February, 2012.

But wait, there’s more:

Smart & Final is doing a separate sweepstakes. Entrants who go to FirstStreetSupportsSoCalSchools.com and tell them why their SoCal school should win will be entered into the  monthly sweepstakes where their school of choice could win $500, $300 or $200! There will be a total of NINE winners, that’s 3 per month, from those that enter at the site! Use the hashtag #SmartFinalSupportsSoCalSchools in any tweets about this program and help spread the word!

We all use dairy products in our daily lives, why not buy ones that could help your child’s school? With educational budgets being severely cut in this never-ending recession, teachers having to buy their own classroom supplies — and, let’s face it, teachers don’t get paid nearly enough for what they do —  their already thin budgets are stretched even thinner. But the beauty of this contest is that  you can help just by purchasing the Real California Milk products you already use and giving the seals to your child’s teacher to send in! It’s so easy. And by telling Smart and Final why your local school is deserving, you can help even more. It’s a win-win. Or as Charlie Sheen would say, “WINNING!” Or was that Vatican Assassin? I forget.

Moving on.

In addition to posting about this wonderful sweepstakes, Smart and Final has asked me to share a Thanksgiving (Or Christmas) recipe that utilizes First Street/Real California Milk products. I picked a good one. It’s a family favorite that we all look forward to each holiday season. When I called my Uncle Bill to ask if  Aunt Lyla would give me the recipe, I could swear I almost heard him drooling. All he said was “Oh, those are so good and so cheesy!”

Smart And Final And The California Milk Advisory Board Help Local Schools ~ Plus A Yummy Au Gratin Potato Recipe is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog