Just Gonna Stand There And Watch Me Burn?

[ 18 ] August 6, 2010 |
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A friend of mine, Kas, from Southern Bella’s Ways To Save made me aware of the I Love The Way You Lie video yesterday. It’s very powerful. The lyrics and the imagery.

It gave me chills.

I especially like the chorus:

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?

Well that’s alright because I like the way it hurts.

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry?

Well that’s alright because I love the way you lie.

I love the way you lie

How many times have you known someone in an abusive relationship that either stays or leaves and keeps coming back over and over again?

This is the “abuser” talking. Sound familiar?

Now I know we said things, did things that we didn’t mean

And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine

But your temper’s just as bad as mine is

You’re the same as me

But when it comes to love you’re just as blinded

Baby, please come back

It wasn’t you, baby it was me

Maybe our relationship isn’t as crazy as it seems

Maybe that’s what happens when a tornado meets a volcano

All I know is I love you too much to walk away though

Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk

Don’t you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk

I told you this is my fault

Look me in the eyeball

Next time I’m pissed, I’ll aim my fist at the drywall

Next time.

There won’t be no next time

I apologize even though I know its lies

I’m tired of the games I just want her back

I know I’m a liar

If she ever tries to fucking leave again

Im’a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire

Anyone who has been in an abusive relationship can relate to this song. It’s scary how true these lyrics ring. And I don’t generally like Eminem. I don’t generally like rap, either. Years ago, my best friend, Carol, caught her eldest listening to an Eminem CD. He was about 12 years old. She immediately took it away from him. Then she listened to it herself and came to the conclusion that Marshall Mathers is a brilliant lyricist. But it was still not an appropriate CD for her son to listen to. While I don’t agree with her, I do think this song can have an impact on people. Getting Rhianna to sing the chorus makes it all that more powerful considering what we now know Chris Brown did to her.

Everyone always asks why a person stays in that cycle of abuse. Why don’t they tell someone, call the cops, report it, LEAVE.

As my friend told me many years ago when she finally admitted that her last boyfriend had physically abused her. “You never know how you are going to react until you are actually in that situation.”

This friend is strong and intelligent. She even worked with abused women. Yet she got caught in a cycle of abuse that she couldn’t get out of for a long time. After she told me the truth, I finally understood why I had gotten such a bad vibe from this guy the first time I met him. And I had told her that night that I didn’t like him and I thought he was hiding something. I have no idea if the physical abuse had already begun at that time, but I do remember that she was not happy about my assessment.

I also want to stress that you don’t have to be hit to be abused. Verbal/emotional abuse can be more devastating than being beaten. At least with that you have bruises to show the effects of the abuse. With mental abuse, it’s all inside and sometimes people will not believe that is actual abuse. But it is the same. Abuse is abuse is abuse. Some wounds manifest physically, some manifest in your mind.

Category: My Opinions

About the Author ()

I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupid™. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.

Comments (18)

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  1. Allison says:

    Shan I am so glad that you posted this!

    I was in a very abusive relationship for years. I was scared to stay with him, scared to leave him, I was just scared and had no clue what to do. It was one of the darkest moments of my life and I am grateful every day for living through it.

    This song is amazing and pretty much sums up everything that is an abusive relationship…it gives me chills over and over no how many times I hear it because the words are so real!
    Allison recently posted..We Have a Winner!My Profile

    • Shan says:

      I am sorry you had to go through that, Allison. But I am very glad that you were able to get out though and find a better life.

      This song is very powerful. And I wanted to post it for that reason.

    • Brittany says:

      Thank Shan. It is really hard to leave a relationship. Sometimes it is hard to just leave the first time i had a relationship i loved it but like at the end or my relationship i wanted to leave it but he did not want me to leave so he did not want me to leave at all!!!!

  2. What an emotionally evocative song. I, too, did time in an abusive relationship.
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  3. Erin says:

    Love the song, love the lyrics. I never saw the video until now. That’s Dominic Monaghan from LOST with Megan Fox – right? Crazy – love them both. Help get a great message across.

    • Shan says:

      Yep, that is Dominick Monaghan. But he was actually in The Lord Of The Rings prior to LOST. He played Pip, one of the Hobbits. 🙂

      I have seen a lot of comments from people not liking Meagan Fox in this video. She kind of reminds me of Jennifer Connelly in her heyday. Now she would have been good in this video.

      And yeah, I think this song, if promoted correctly, can have a huge impact and help many girls in abusive relationships. Let’s hope the record label doesn’t screw it up.

  4. Kasandria says:

    I was gonna post something similar because I agree with you on how it shows it from the inside. So many times ppl don’t understand that cycle and are just like Why Don’t She Leave? Plus Rihanna was a brilliant choice. Some are giving her flack b/c of it and I say it is showing she is finally getting closure on it.
    Kas
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  5. Ashtyn says:

    It totally makes sense to have Rhianna with Eminem on this song. I am not a huge fan of Rhianna, but they both have done time in abusive relationships, so they are the perfect pair for this song.

    I’ve always loved Marshall and believe he’s done a lot for rap and that rap has done a lot for him, but this song doesn’t have much to do with any of that.

    I am happy to say that I’ve never done time in a relationship like the one described in this song, but I know people that have. I used to wonder why they would bother or why they wouldn’t value themselves enough to leave, but unless you’re there you never know what you will do. I can see these lyrics making sense in that way.

    Great post!
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  6. LadyStyx says:

    Simply powerful. I’m going to need to add this song to my music on that one blog. You know the one I’m talking about. I so need to take time and do some writing in there again….

    Words… so powerful. Bruises and cuts can be seen prompting questions to at least be asked. Words hit as hard as a kick or punch and cut as deep if not deeper than a knife. Yet their effects cannot be readily seen… are hidden with smiles and “I’m fine”s and excuses as to why you’ve changed. A high gloss sheen hiding the pain and hurt underneath. The shame that you’ve allowed yourself to get into this situation and the deeper shame that you’ve allowed it to go on for as long as you have. You believe in your heart that if you move or make changes or relent that things will get better, but they never ever do. Then, one day that sheen cracks. The lucky ones get away. Lucky in that they still have their lives. However, they live with the pain, humiliation and scars for far longer. One questions daily, “how could I be a lucky one when I still hurt?” Nearly a dozen years of hurtful words and actions…. 7 years away…. and I still have days when I’m just not quite right. Thankfully, I’ve found an understanding spouse who loves this broken soul anyhow.

    Thank you so much for this entry. I think that blockage is well on its way to being cleared.
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  7. Wow!!! That was powerful. Thnks Shan for sharing that!
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  8. Brittany says:

    This is one of my favorite songs. I’m in love with Eminem and seriously he can write some lyrics!
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  9. LOVE LOVE LOVE this song! What a great post, Shan, really. Great way to help bring light to this situation.
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  10. Robin says:

    Abusive relationships don’t start that way, they sneak up on you.

    I was only in a short term one(11 months),and it was many years ago, but I still remember clearly the morning I woke up and looked at the loathsome creature sleeping next to me, and thinking how easy it would be to do the world a favor and slit his throat while he slept. Violence is not my way, but it made me understand how some women turn to it when they are caught up in an abusive relationship. I packed up everything I owned that afternoon, and never spoke to him again.
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  11. Tammy says:

    I don’t know anyone that is currently in an abusive relationship. I did know someone when I was younger. It was a psychologically abusive behavior. Her husband separated her from all of her friends and family. He had complete control of the money. It was really scary. She was a friend of my sister, and I remember her wanting to help and not knowing what to do.
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  12. Whitney says:

    I can’t hear this song without it bringing tears to my eyes. We lost my beautiful 28 year old cousin to domestic violence in May. No one knew the violence existed until he murdered her. This is a great song and video and I give kudos to Rhianna for doing it after her abusive relationship.

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