Oh, HELL-o, 4-0?!?!

[ 11 ] March 1, 2011 |
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Today is my 40th birthday. When the hell did I get to be 40 years old??

What am I supposed to do now, just wait for my body to fall apart since I have hit the infamous 4-0 or call myself middle aged?? I don’t know why, but 40 has always meant “old” to me. Yes, I know, 40 is the new 20 and all that jazz. And no, I don’t feel old at all…but I’m having a bit of a freak out here. I thought I would be so much further in life by this age than I actually am. And menopause scares the bejeezus out of me. Not having a period anymore will be nice, but the whole raging hormones for no good reason and hot flashes thing is not something I am looking forward to at all.

I need a little while to reconcile this in my head.

We’re supposed to be financially solvent and own our own house by now. We aren’t. That bothers me. It’s not for lack of trying either. But those are material things. I am grateful that I have an amazing daughter, a fairly cool husband {depends on the day with him sometimes, but I love him anyway}, an online business that I built myself and a pretty awesome group of friends that have become my family.

Because in the end, isn’t that what it’s really about, love and family? You could have all the money and material possessions in the world and be the loneliest, saddest person on the planet without anyone to love you.

That’s my first issue with turning 40, the part where I haven’t met the lofty goals I set for myself yet. And that pesky menopause part.

My second issue is that I’m looking at the number 40 and re-evaluating things in my life. And the people in my life. I want to streamline: Get rid of the clutter, both literally and figuratively. I’m sick to death of being made the scape goat for grown ass people’s bad choices. Yes, dear readers, I get blamed for so many things that go wrong in other people’s lives, you would think with all that power, I would have been able to win the lottery by now! I have found lately that people I believed to be my friends turned out to be very skilled liars. These are people I trusted. People I cared about and still do. And yes, it hurts like hell to find out that you were used and as disposable as plastic cutlery. And I know that the people that did this to me have not put one ounce of thought into how they made me feel by their careless actions. They are going on about their lives not caring one whit about me or my bruised heart.

As painful as it is, I have to chalk this up to a lesson learned, no matter how bitter the pill was to swallow.

I am extremely intelligent, possess a rapier wit and am loyal to those whom I consider friends. I am a great mother, wife, sister, auntie and confidant. And I am a pretty damn good self taught graphic designer and coder. I give with my whole heart. I also trust with it, many times to my own detriment. I still have this deep seeded altruistic belief that all people are inherently good. I can also kick some serious ass, if need be. I probably should stop being so trusting of others, but I refuse to become bitter and jaded. But then I inevitably get deeply hurt and the cycle begins again. However, without that trusting heart, the one I wear on my sleeve, I would not have met some amazing people I am proud to call my friends. Could these people turn out to be skilled manipulators, as so many have before? Absolutely. But until I see irrefutable evidence of that, I will call them friend.

I have decided though, that as far as online friends go, if you are not engaging with me in some way, either via twitter, FaceBook or my blog, you’re gone. The number on my friends lists is not as important as the quality of the people that make up those lists. I realize that I have loyal blog readers who read and don’t comment, and I’m OK with that. Although if you see a post with no comments, would you mind giving me a little love there? Thanks.

Here is a little bit of advice that goes a long way in letting those you claim to be your friends feel like they matter, online or off line:

If you send a letter or email telling someone you were offended by something they said or did and that friend replies with a sincere apology, take five whole minutes out of your life to acknowledge that apology. Do not engage with everyone but that person on social media sites you both belong to for days and leave that friend of yours wondering what the hell is going on, mm’kay? That is not cool at all. It’s also childish and mean spirited.

Friendship is a two way street. Friendships need to be cultivated and cared for, by both people. When you flagrantly ignore the other person, the one being ignored gets hurt. That is not what real friends do to each other. So just don’t do it.

From now on, I will be surrounding myself online only with those who truly want to be my friend. There is no reason for anyone to be friends with someone online that they don’t like or care to engage with. No more fake friends!  I encourage all of you to do the same and throw stats by the wayside as far as blogging and social media are concerned. Instead, put the emphasis on authenticity and quality over quantity. I promise you will be better for it.

You see, I just can’t do it anymore. I am too old to keep up with the ever changing games of immature women. I am not going to change who I am to suit anyone. I am blunt, sarcastic and tell it like it is…like it or lump it. I also say things that could be mistaken as offensive. Oh well. If you truly know me, you know that I don’t have a mean bone in my body. I never do anything to intentionally hurt anyone. We all make mistakes. I’ve never claimed to be perfect. If offend you, woman up and come to me about it. It will always turn out to be a misunderstanding that can be taken care of easily. But be forewarned, my own twisted brand of humor is not for the faint of heart or overly sensitive of souls. I make no apologies for this. What you see is what you get with me.

I am who I am, the same offline as I am online.

Even if I am a 40 year old woman facing menopause, my daughter’s teen years when I’m in my 50’s and haven’t met my life goals yet, I actually like me, just as I am.

Happy birthday to me. I freaking ROCK!

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Category: My Opinions

About the Author ()

I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupid™. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.

Comments (11)

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  1. sarah says:

    have a wonderful birthday.
    sarah recently posted..Five Fact FridayMy Profile

  2. Mandy says:

    Happy Birthday Shan! I like your attitude! Hope the big 4-0 is drama free for you!
    Mandy recently posted..Shoes I Want But Can’t Buy Because It Would Be Financially IrresponsibleMy Profile

  3. Karen says:

    40 was not bad for me. You are just a baby…I will be 57 on the 15th of April.
    Karen recently posted..Spring is Springing!My Profile

  4. Michelle says:

    Hey there! I just turned 40 in September. And I actually just got my bloodwork done to see if I was going through menopause already–actually pre-menopause. I know I’m not in menopause. Because 4 mos. ago, things started getting a little wonky. And all of those hormones you were talking about–yeah! They’re crazy. My Dr. said I could be going through this for 12 years since the avg. age of menopause is 52. I have a young daughter and son too. 6 & 4. So, we can go through this together! LOL Found you on blogged.
    Michelle
    http://www.heartfeltbalancehandmadelife.blogspot.com
    Michelle recently posted..Chocolate Pancakes RecipeMy Profile

  5. Ann says:

    40 is the new 30! Enjoyed your post, and yes, even in your 50s there are still friend issues. But I have decided to rid myself of people who don’t really matter. It’s great!

  6. LadyStyx says:

    Happy Belated Birthday, sweetie. Just getting through my emails and saw this entry sitting in there waitin on me. I’ve been so lax on my emails lately. *sighs* Hope you had a wonderful day.

    Oh I so hear ya there hun. My 40th was a b!tch for me too. I was depressed for days before and afterwards to the point of tears. There are days I look in the mirror and still think “how the hell did I get so damned old??”.

    I do manage to come in a read an entry here and there, but don’t always comment. If it’s something that needs a private comment, I do drop an email so we should be good, yes? It’s just that you’re a momma and there are some topics that are… well.. touchy for me and it’s just easier to stay out and not expose myself to those feelings ya know.

    Online friends… yeah. I’d love to weed that list in FB but most are there because I’m a gamer and they’re needed in there for teams and all. I get to the point of not playing any longer and 80% will get dumped. Though I do have to admit there’s a few in there that I will be keeping around because of the friendships that developed.
    LadyStyx recently posted..Girls Girls GirlsMy Profile

    • Shan says:

      Yes, Styxie, you’re fine. We talk on Facebook & I am well aware that I have many readers who only “read”. I’m Ok with that. Although I do love getting comments/feedback on my posts. 😉

      And I’m still weeding my friends’ lists. This virus that just won’t die is kicking me in the ass. OY!

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