Stop Poking Me In The Back With That Thing!: Small Talk Six

[ 11 ] April 3, 2010 |
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It’s time, once again, for Small talk Six! On Saturdays presented by MomDot.com. Today’s topic is 6 excuses you have used to get out of sex. You can answer this with a list of 6 words, 6 phrases, 6 sentences. 6 paragraphs, 6 photos, 6 videos, etc…

Well, this is kind of a loaded topic now, isn’t it? I have used many excuses over the years. I had to, my Husband is a perv and can never get enough. In my teens, I had a high sex drive, but in my 20’s it kind of went down to nothing. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and one of the side effects of it is a near non-existent sex drive. My Husband was not at all happy with this turn of events, nor did he believe or understand what the reason was. It was a tough time for us and caused many fights.

I finally got my OBGYN to write me a note with my diagnosis on it and that it can and does cause a diminished sex drive. My Husband still felt like I just didn’t want him. It was partially true because I just wasn’t turned on by being poked in the back while I was trying to sleep. But right before I got pregnant I started to take an herbal remedy that was supposed to help. And boy did it! I went from no sex drive to couldn’t get enough and infertile to pregnant the old fashioned way in the space of six months! And while I was pregnant my appetite was through the roof. 😛 I am also happy to say that it really hasn’t diminished much since I gave birth, either. That whole “a woman reaches her peak at 35” is no lie. I just turned 39 and I’m still going strong…when I’m not dead tired, that is.

1) I’m not a faucet. You can’t turn me on by poking me in the back with a woody. You need to work for this, buddy. Try again later.

2) I’m on my period. I don’t think you want to get your red wings tonight.

3) I have a migraine.

4) I’m too tired.

5) I forgot to take my pill.

6) I have just pretended to be in such a deep sleep, I didn’t  notice anything. Who wants to have sex with a comatose partner? 😀

That’s my story and I’ll stick to it until the bridge burns out from underneath me. 😛


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Category: Memes

About the Author ()

I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupid™. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.

Comments (11)

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  1. Michelle says:

    Hilarious! Yeah, that whole getting poked in the back thing is not cool…especially when you crack open one eye to realize that it’s like 3am. WTF. Seriously, let me sleep. Waking me from a dead sleep to make you happy is dangerous in so many ways. Ha ha ha!
    .-= Michelle´s last blog ..SMALL TALK SIX: not tonight, honey… =-.

    • Shan says:

      I KNOW!!! WTF is up with the 3am thing?? So, what, they were perfectly asleep (and usually complaining earlier about how tired they were) and suddenly at 3am it’s sex time?? I have never understood that about the human male. Not ever.

      PS: Glad I’m not the only one. 😀

  2. You know Shan, I have a similar problem as a side effect myself. You should PM me with the name of that herbal supplement . . . well, only if you can guarantee I won’t get pregnant. LOL!!
    .-= Karen of 3G2S´s last blog ..Review: Laughing Pizza Music CD & DVD =-.

  3. Krista S. says:

    Well, I dunno I’m going to be 38 and I’ve totally missed the peak. Where do I get in line for that? I’ve not had a sex drive since I hit 30 I swear. So what’s this herbal remedy that will make me hot & horny?? LOL
    .-= Krista S.´s last blog ..Small Talk Six: Not Tonight Honey…. =-.

  4. brandy says:

    Oh man I will have to do this one, it’s a big topic in our house. I just haven’t had any kinda sex drive since having Owen in 2004.
    .-= brandy´s last blog ..Mommy and Me Mondays =-.

    • Shan says:

      Seriously, try it. It can’t hurt, right? And I think you can get the Avlimil in your local vitamin/health food store. I know for a fact that they sell it at GNC.

  5. Faythe @GMT says:

    Well, hubby always said I could write a book on 101 + excuses… I started to slow down after #1 son… and lots of female troubles & a few m/c and then #2 came.. shortly after that the drive went really south! I went along a lot of times to get him off my back ( yea right!) but the pain just kept getting worse… 10 years ago I finally found a gyn that would do the hysterectomy I had needed for years, nearly bleeding to death a few times, but got the excuse, Oh you are to young… blah blahh. so I thought, this will fix it! the bleeding was gone.. and the pms… but I could not take hormones, not even the herbal supplements that act like them, made me get the pains of a DVT coming on… and the pain was getting worse… so back to gyn, who does tons of tests & finally Dx’s me w/ vulvadynia… and hubby was in the room once & heard it… so that was the death sentence for him, in the sex dept. I do not have drive anymore.. but occasionally I have dreams.. but it does me no good, as it still would hurt like hell.. sigh…
    he is more accepting of the fact, and we have tried ( believe me, I did!) other ways for him to be satisfied.. but he couldn’t work it … He was always one who wanted me to enjoy the experience & could tell when I was hurting.. so now he has in in his brain that without penetration it ain’t gonna work, and because I am not getting anything out of it, so he 99% does not bother…
    sorry to say a relief for me, stress wise…
    Yikes! I wrote a whole post!! LOL! one of these days I will do the sm. talk 6…
    .-= Faythe @GMT´s last blog ..It’s Easter! origins, symbols and wishes =-.

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