Today, I’ve got nothing good. My mind is consumed with Thanksgiving, cleaning my house and the fact that Christmas is coming and I still don’t have my Gift Guide up and running nor do I have my new template fixed so I can put it up on here at The Asylum.

So I made a collage of funny pictures I found. Enjoy.

Just Another Wordless Wednesday… is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

1. FickleInPInk, the dark side 2. AutismLearningFelt 3. Secret Mom Thoughts 4. Trish

5. Marianna @ Green Mama's Pad 6. Not So Average Mama 7. Jessica~Riding with Jessica 8. RecycleCindy

9. susan@What Happened To My House? 10. The OmniCouple (Nala Sue - Our New Puppy) 11. Alyson @ 3Ps in a Pod - Changes 12. You're next!

Yes, I am talking to YOU, Mother Nature. You seem to have a hatred going on for SoCal and I am here to tell you you need to build a bridge and get over it. Pronto. It is going to be 90* on Thanksgiving! NINETY degrees. Umm, hello? I have a huge dinner to cook, one oven and no central air. It’s NOVEMBER for God’s sake!

Did you hear that? N-O-V-E-M-B-E-R. As in one month until Christmas. As in the Holiday Season. As in…well, you get my point.

We are supposed to be all dressed in cozy sweaters, boots and eating a hot, calorie laden, but oh so good meal. When it is that hot out here, all I want to do is be as still as possible so as not to generate any more heat than is necessary for my body to function properly. As you can guess, that is not very conducive to getting a full Thanksgiving meal prepared, cooked and on the table by mid afternoon.

Why are you mixing the seasons up on a daily basis around here? It may be predicted to be 90* on Thanksgiving, but it will be in the mid 40′s that night!! Talk about your hot flashes!

And don’t even get me started on those devil Santa Ana winds!

Yes the winds are blowing like a freight train as we speak. It’s supposed to be FALL, not Summer, Lady. The nasty winds give me atrocious migraines, dry out my skin and eyes, congest my sinuses {And those of my family} and make it difficult to sleep. Not to mention the horrendous amount of shit that gets blown into my yard that I have to clean up. I have enough messes of my own, I do not need to have the added task of cleaning up other people’s trash from my yard.

Oh and let us not forget what Santa Ana winds truly mean in SoCal…FIRE. Yes fire. As in forest, brush and arson. Every psycho with a hard on for flames will be trying to set something ablaze right now. They always do. This is SoCal, we have dry tinder brush, a severe lack of rain and more village idiots per capita than any other state in the Union. You think this little wind episode is going to pass without at least one wind whipped fire? I think not. And the chances that it will be caused by spontaneous combustion is slim and none.

Mother, can’t you take a page from the immortal Mrs. Claus, who in the claymation Christmas classic “The Year Without A Santa Claus“, convinced Heat Miser to let it snow in South Town for one day {As long as his brother, Snow Miser, allowed him to make it sweltering at The North Pole}? Come on, give a fellow sista a break and give me some real Autumn weather. Or some rain. Or something besides heat and relentless, blowing winds. Please?

If you don’t straighten this mess of weather out, I will be forced to tell Santa you have been a very naughty girl this year and you will get nothing but coal in your Christmas stocking. I will also spread it around that you either have perpetual PMS and are in need of some industrial strength Midol or are going through The Change and in need of Hormone Replacement Therapy, thereby revealing your true age. I will also tell how you are taking your hormone fueled rage out on the innocent citizens of SoCal.

You really don’t want me to have to resort that now do you?

Mother Nature Has PMS is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Yes, I am talking to YOU, Mother Nature. You seem to have a hatred going on for SoCal and I am here to tell you you need to build a bridge and get over it. Pronto. It is going to be 90* on Thanksgiving! NINETY degrees. Umm, hello? I have a huge dinner to cook, one oven and no central air. It’s NOVEMBER for God’s sake!

Did you hear that? N-O-V-E-M-B-E-R. As in one month until Christmas. As in the Holiday Season. As in…well, you get my point.

We are supposed to be all dressed in cozy sweaters, boots and eating a hot, calorie laden, but oh so good meal. When it is that hot out here, all I want to do is be as still as possible so as not to generate any more heat than is necessary for my body to function properly. As you can guess, that is not very conducive to getting a full Thanksgiving meal prepared, cooked and on the table by mid afternoon.

Why are you mixing the seasons up on a daily basis around here? It may be predicted to be 90* on Thanksgiving, but it will be in the mid 40′s that night!! Talk about your hot flashes!

And don’t even get me started on those devil Santa Ana winds!

Yes the winds are blowing like a freight train as we speak. It’s supposed to be FALL, not Summer, Lady. The nasty winds give me atrocious migraines, dry out my skin and eyes, congest my sinuses {And those of my family} and make it difficult to sleep. Not to mention the horrendous amount of shit that gets blown into my yard that I have to clean up. I have enough messes of my own, I do not need to have the added task of cleaning up other people’s trash from my yard.

Oh and let us not forget what Santa Ana winds truly mean in SoCal…FIRE. Yes fire. As in forest, brush and arson. Every psycho with a hard on for flames will be trying to set something ablaze right now. They always do. This is SoCal, we have dry tinder brush, a severe lack of rain and more village idiots per capita than any other state in the Union. You think this little wind episode is going to pass without at least one wind whipped fire? I think not. And the chances that it will be caused by spontaneous combustion is slim and none.

Mother, can’t you take a page from the immortal Mrs. Claus, who in the claymation Christmas classic “The Year Without A Santa Claus“, convinced Heat Miser to let it snow in South Town for one day {As long as his brother, Snow Miser, allowed him to make it sweltering at The North Pole}? Come on, give a fellow sista a break and give me some real Autumn weather. Or some rain. Or something besides heat and relentless, blowing winds. Please?

If you don’t straighten this mess of weather out, I will be forced to tell Santa you have been a very naughty girl this year and you will get nothing but coal in your Christmas stocking. I will also spread it around that you either have perpetual PMS and are in need of some industrial strength Midol or are going through The Change and in need of Hormone Replacement Therapy, thereby revealing your true age. I will also tell how you are taking your hormone fueled rage out on the innocent citizens of SoCal.

You really don’t want me to have to resort that now do you?

Mother Nature Has PMS is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

***Please go vote for me in The People’s Choice Awards. Just go here and look for Shan http://LastShredsOfSanity.com, check the little circle next to my name, then scroll down and click the “vote” button. You’re done. Thank you so much!***

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth: MomDot’s Small Talk Six is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

***Please go vote for me in The People’s Choice Awards. Just go here and look for Shan http://LastShredsOfSanity.com, check the little circle next to my name, then scroll down and click the “vote” button. You’re done. Thank you so much!***

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth: Small Talk Six is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Jessica_rdgz@live.com said…

My worst gift ever was about 4 years ago for Christmas. My mom and dad are really good at getting things that my siblings and I REALLY want so, we were expecting a really awesome Christmas. It turned out that way.. except for with me. My older sister got a car; my younger brothers got an Xbox, a Playstation 2, and some games; and I got a lovely…. *Wait for it*… TOILET SEAT! Yep, a toilet seat. My mom’s reasoning was that everyone else in the house had a comfy plush toilet seat except for me so, she thought I’d like to not get my butt cold every morning. Just so happened my then b/f (hubby now) was there for Christmas. Nice, right?

January 3, 2009 8:43 PM

A cushioned toilet seat! From your own parents, the same year they give your sister a car! That is just WRONG!! Jessica, please email me with your address so that I can send you your prize. The two runners up are Abi & Christa. So if the winner doesn’t respond, then the prize will go to one of you.

Abi said…

Hehehe funny post

The worst presents…hm they’re usually from my Aunty, she’s a little (a lot) eccentric.

I remember one year, I was 12, she bought me knickers. Sloggi knickers – granny shaped knickers. The worst thing though, was that I was a UK size 8-10 and she got me them in size…… 18. And three different packs, so no mistake.

December 17, 2008 10:45 AM

Christa said…

Worst gift was an identity bracelet from an ex-boyfriend with my name spelled wrong.

December 18, 2008 1:22 PM

Honorable mentions go to Me & Julia, who said…

Me said…

I worst gift this year….Nothing was too horrible (and there have been some doozies over the decades). I did however get a pair of home-made pajama pants. (I will be kind and not say who made them. But I will say..she’s not MY MOTHER) that are at least 3 feet too long, too tight at the knees, and cut off circulation at the waist while being baggy enough between my waist and knees to provide shelter to a 100lb watermelon. If I would have pulled them up far enough, they would have made for great maternity pants. (If one could get past the pattern of the fabric). Eek!

December 31, 2008 7:25 AM

Julia said…

My worst gift ever was a matching pair of plastic jackalopes covered in a soft fake velvet, each about 20 inches in height. This was for real. They were wrapped with sincerity from the gifter like they were gold. And a jackalope is a rabbit with antlers on its head, for those who are not wise in the way of the prairie where an antelope “rapes” a rabbit. My brother laughed for an hour after I opened them. We could not make him stop until tears were streaming down his eyes… Meanwhile, I held this pair of…? what was I supposed to do with them???

December 31, 2008 1:25 PM

I am kind of happy that I wasn’t the only one out there with bad gifts. HeHe. But some of you had some doozies. I swear I almost peed my pants reading the responses! And if I had the resources you would all get a prize, but sadly that is no the case. *sniff* But I thank you all for you entries, they really did put a little laughter in my otherwise, just curled up in bed being sick, day.

And The Winner Is… is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

My beloved Aunt is in the hospital with heart arrhythmia problems. Her heart rate keeps jumping from 220/bpm to 30/bpm & back again. She first had this problem about a week before I gave birth to The Diva in March of 2005. Both of her sisters died unexpectedly (in their sleep) from the very same ailment. My Uncle is just beside himself.

They were supposed to fly out on Christmas Day to spend New Year’s with my Aunt Mary & Uncle Bob (My Dad’s baby brother & wife, the most amazing people you will ever meet.) in Virginia. Obviously that trip has been cancelled. One doctor wants to give her a pacemaker, another says it won’t help.

Please say a prayer (or two) for my dear Aunt Lyla & Uncle Bill (he is my Dad’s younger brother & the only “Grandpa & Grandma” my daughter has ever known on my side of the family). This is a terrible thing to have happen any time, but especially now at Christmastime.

May the Lord bless & protect you all this Christmas & in the coming year.

I Need Some Extra Prayers… is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

My fabulous friend Court over at Kaiya’s Laughter Heals has just bestowed this awesome award (that she made herself) upon me. Isn’t it cool?

So I’ve decided to make a blog-award after I saw how fabulous Zee Maid’s new blog looks (oh all that snow is sooo heavenly!) My guidelines were: a blog that looks all Christmased out. Pass on the love to those bloggy gals who have decked their blogs!

She thinks I have one of the most Christmased out blogs she’s seen. HeHe! I LOVE Christmas. My favorite seasons are Fall & Winter. Can’t you tell by my bloggy template?

I do hope no one is disappointed that the template is permanent, although the Santa’s & trees will be going at the end of the season…

So go check out Court’s blog (her daughter is adorable)…show her some comment love, I know you’ll like it over there.

I Just Got The Coolest Award… is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

I found this over at ChicagoLady’s Blog. Am I the only one that finds this appalling?

This sign is apparently up at the Illinois State Capital, right next to the Nativity Scene. Ummm, what???!!!

While it is true that religion can be oppressive, with all it’s rituals & rules, if you are a Christian, then you have a faith & a walk with our Lord & that is not oppressive. Faith in God does not harden hearts, it softens & opens them to more love than was ever thought possible. It makes us tolerant of others. My God directs me to pray for my enemies as well as those who have lost their way. How is that oppressive or enslaving?

These Pagans want the freedom to practice their religion? Fine with me. This country allows the freedom of all people to practice & take as gospel whatever they want to without oppression.

Having said that, doesn’t this sign smack of fascism & shoving their doctrines down our collective Christian/Jew/Muslim/Catholic/Protestant/Methodist throats? Seems to me that they want everyone else to think as they do, not as we choose to. Does this little protest not then make them the tyranists, the very thing they are railing against? Where is the tolerance & acceptance of others’ faith systems?

I cannot presuppose why a state government would put this up anyway. Isn’t Illinois filled to the brim with Liberal Democrats who preach freedom & tolerance for all people? Yeah, only if you believe as they do! I have the right, given to me by both the U.S. Constitution and The Declaration of Independence, as well as the Bible, to have faith in God without having some other religion iron hand me into following something I did not choose.

And by the way, this holiday is called CHRISTmas for a reason…it is the celebration of the birth of our Lord & Saviour, Jesus Christ. So, dear Pagans, go marinate on that one for a while, why don’t you?!

ChicagoLady also directed me to this little poem…quite apropos, I think, considering the pandemic of Political Correctness that has gripped this country for far too long now.

Dyslexic Satan Worshippers Sell Their Souls To Santa!! is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog

Elfin Magic…want a cookie?

Scary Elf. (Christmas ’07)

I have no idea why the photographer did this one…

Wordless Wednesday #4 is a post from: Last Shreds Of Sanity | Blog Designer | California Mom Blog