10 Things You Never Wanted To Know About Me

[ 21 ] May 26, 2010 |
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Question_Mark_small So in an attempt to be funny/snarky/not knowing what to write or having the time to do so, I thought I would give you all a list of things you never wanted to know about me. I am not sure that it will shock anyone who knows me, but then again who knows? I do hope it will give you a giggle or two and not send you on a quest to get the men in white coats to my front door to put me in a rubber room. Although the absolute quiet might be refreshing.

1) I cannot eat my food with the “little” fork, but I will only eat soups, ice cream, etc. with the “little” spoon.

2) Do not wake me up when I am trying to sleep. Not only will I not be happy, you definitely will not be happy.

3) I could fix California’s budget problems if they would only listen to me. There is so much money being spent in the prison system unnecessarily. For example, they will give a transsexual monthly/weekly hormone shots but won’t give a diabetic inmate a diabetic diet. This in turn causes the diabetic to go into diabetic shock, and he or she is sent to the county hospital for weeks on end for treatment. This happens habitually. It would be cheaper to provide the proper diet to the inmate, don’t you think? Another thing is that, at least one that I know of — but possibly all the state mental hospitals — do not segregate the men from the women. So nearly every time a female prisoner is sent to one of the facilities for treatment, she comes back pregnant. And who pays for the medical care during the pregnancy and the usual raising of the child in the foster care system? You guessed it…the state of California. Which really means us taxpayers. I’m never going to be able to work there again after spilling this little secret. Heh.

4) I will only eat corn on the cob. Canned corn, creamed corn…it’s just all the wrong texture for me. I also can’t stand to have my food items touching each other on the plate. Each one has it’s own distinct flavor and I can’t stand to have them muddied by an invading sauce, gravy or other alien taste.

5) I have always wanted to get a head injury just so I could have a skull X-Ray and see what my noggin really looks like.

6) I have a pretty good bullshit meter and if it starts to go off about you, you can be sure I won’t hesitate to tell you. I call it like I see it. And I am usually right about the call.

7) I am considered a bitch by a lot of people because I am blunt, don’t take any shit and have a sarcastic wit. Do I care? Not usually. But I hate someone taking offense to something I have said or written when I didn’t mean it that way, so I always try to explain myself. The internet needs a sarcasm button so things don’t get so misconstrued and cause DRAMA with the 40-year-old High School girls. Hell, who am I kidding? That group will get their panties in a twist over something.

8 ) I refer to the general public as The Free Range Stupid. For obvious reasons.

9) I like Kate Gosselin, although she can’t dance for shit, and think Jon Gosselin is a giant, immature, passive-aggressive, attention whore, money-grubbing douche bag.

10) I would much rather have 5 acres with my house in the center of it, then live in a neighborhood with asshole neighbors and their equally disrespectful kids. Or a Stepford community {Housing developments with homeowner’s associations and fees}. I hate those. If I am paying my mortgage and property taxes, then no idiot with a Napoleon complex has any right to tell me what color I can paint my house, what type of fence I can have or what plants I can have in my garden. ThankYouVeryMuch.


**Don’t forget about the Brandy’s Battle fundraiser. If you would lie to help, please email me**

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Category: Thoughts

About the Author ()

I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupidβ„’. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.

Comments (21)

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  1. Sheila says:

    Great post. I like getting to know more about my friend Shan and her life.
    .-= Sheila´s last blog ..OnTray Review! =-.

  2. Brittany says:

    I live in a stepford community and revolt daily. It’s my only source of entertainment besides always moving my yard.
    .-= Brittany´s last blog ..Our Child Safe Website =-.

  3. We call creamed corn
    pre-chewed corn” BLACH

    I prefer the little fork. And will DIG for one if I have to. I’ll give my 6 year old the big fork if it means I get the little fork.

    We moved to a “neighborhood” in a small rural town. Trying to have the best of both worlds. You’re so right. Sometimes I think we should have bought a farm in the middle of nowhere…but I do like some of my neighbors.
    .-= Kim @ What’s That Smell?´s last blog ..Shabby Apple Girls Dresses – review =-.

    • Shan says:

      Well, I feel less strange now that someone else feels the same way I do about Stepford Communities. πŸ˜€

      Creamed corn is gross.

      How can you stand to use the little fork? Using that one bugs me. πŸ˜›

  4. I have to eat with the big fork and Have to use the small spoon too! Very Interesting info about Californis…can you fix Maine too? Please!
    .-= Bethany Larrabee´s last blog ..Katie is "Famous on Facebook" =-.

  5. You are so funny:) I am the same about sleeping just ask my DH.

  6. Cat says:

    What exactly is a “little fork” and a “little spoon”? All of ours are the same size.
    Cat recently posted..The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse NovellaMy Profile

  7. Cheryl says:

    you’re caraaaaaaaaaaaazy!!!
    Cheryl recently posted..The Strength Comes From WithinMy Profile

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