I Don’t Know What’s Wrong With Me Lately…

[ 7 ] April 13, 2009 |
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I am in a mood. A really odd, not nice mood. The kind of mood that makes you feel like it could be PMS, but you know it’s not. Then you start to remember all the weird, crazy, turn on a dime mood swings you had while you were pregnant, but you know that it’s not that kind of hormonal disturbance. I don’t know what it is, but I do know that my Husband is not helping. At. All. Male PMS is real, disturbing, annoying and can cause me to have bad thoughts about my Husband’s head and a cast iron skillet. But I digress…

I am having a problem with noises. And a certain 4 year old girl not behaving or listening to her Mama. And screaming. And yelling. And my disastrous and unorganized house. And the piles of dirty laundry. And dirty dishes. And no dishwasher. Not the Automatic kind, anyway. And a 40 gallon water heater. And stupid DSL Internet connections. And stupid Tech Support Agents that make you promises that turn out to be lies. And idiots that hurt kids. And The Socialist and his cronies. And just stuff in general.

I am flying off the handle at the drop of a hat {or noise from the other room caused by my daughter}. I am just having a problem with not being able to have peace and quiet enough to compose coherent thoughts. Really, just some peace and quiet would be nice. I try to clean up the house and my daughter wants to help. OK, fine. So I give her little tasks to complete. She starts it, and then…something shiny catches her eye and she decides to play {and pull out more toys/crap} right where I am trying to clean. It is so frustrating! My husband keeps saying, “She’s a four year old. They do that.” No shit, Sherlock. I get that. It doesn’t make it any less frustrating, annoying or sanity killing.
I am at my wit’s end. Literally, as well as figuratively. Potty training has been a complete nightmare. She knows what to do. She knows how to do it. She just won’t do it. Not consistently. Stubborn assed little cuss! OY VEY! I have been told for months to just put her in underwear. Let her be wet for a while. That will teach her a lesson in going on the toilet. I have been resisting this tack. The thought of having to clean up her pee from God~knows~where about the house just makes me want to sit down and cry. I already have to find out where the damn Beautiful~But~Demon~Possessed Cat has peed, do I really need to go sniffing for Diva pee, too?

But last week, I bit the bullet and put her in the underwear we bought her for Christmas. Color me amazed. As of today, she has only had 1 1/2 accidents. We even survived a trip to the mall for Easter Bunny pictures without pee pee running down her leg onto the mall floor, creating a slip and fall hazard. So now I am left here feeling like Lazy Slacker/Don’t Give A Crap/Big Stupid Failure Mom because I didn’t try this a long time ago. Then again, it may not have worked back then, either.

I really don’t know what my Mal is right now. I am sick to death of hearing my Husband say Clean up the living room/do some laundry/clean the kitchen. You have all day.” I’ll get to it, Bonehead, just as soon as you give me some peace and quiet. Nothing makes a woman/wife/mother feel more like a failure than having a dirty, messy, disorganized house and not the gumption needed to fix it. I ask for help from my Husband, he refuses. “I’m tired.” “My back hurts.” UUGGHH! I’m tired. My back hurts. My hand is bleeding. I have a migraine. I can’t think clearly. Please shut your daughter up. I can’t take the screaming and the noise for another second. I want to stop failing. As a Mother. As a Wife. As a Homemaker. As a Woman. Please just make it stop. Please. I just want some peace and quiet. Is this too much to ask?

Is it also too much to ask for a child that does not scream at me when I ask her questions or tell her to do something. Or actually does what I tell her to do, instead of what she wants to do. Or how about a child to whom a punishment actually means something? Or one with pain receptors in her butt? Or something, anything, remotely resembling what parenting/family is supposed to be like? Is any of this really that far out of the realm of reality that I can’t reasonably expect it to actually become my reality? I truly think I am about to lose what little of my mind I have left. This is not fun. Not for me. Not for my daughter. And, I guess, not for my Husband, either. Although right now, I am about to take a heavy, blunt instrument to the back of his head and see if that gives him an attitude adjustment. Stay tuned on that one. I will provide an update.

All of this brings me back to my hormones. And my age. And the scary thoughts…Is it just Monster PMS readying me for a Monster Period ? Is it *shudder* Peri-Menopause {I’m only 38, for God’s sake!}? Is it *pass out cold for three days* pregnancy? Any of these could be the answer to my question, except pregnancy. I ain’t pregnant. No way. No how. But I have no patience for anyone or anything as of late. Just like when I was pregnant with The Diva. Not that I really had much to begin with, but it was more than I have at this moment in time. And I would like to know what changed. What caused this? Why can’t I get anything done? Ever. Why am I always running late? What the hell happened to my Martha Stewart~esque cleaning and organizational skills? {Not that I really like Martha Stewart. That bitch has waaaayyy to much time on her hands. And she’s evil.}

So what is wrong with me? Was I just not cut out for the patience/organized/cleaning part of Mommyhood/Wifehood? Believe me I have enough love. I love my daughter and Husband “To the Moon and back.” I just have no patience for stupidity. Or insolence. Or bitchmoangroaning. Why isn’t it legal to kill the Free~Range Stupid? Life would be so much easier that way. {I do not advocate actually killing the stupid people of the world. Maybe a frontal lobotomy for the worst offenders? I do still want to get the entertainment factor out of that particular group, you know!}

So this is the mood I am in right now. It has lasted far too long now for my taste/patience threshold. I am praying for relief and answers. If I don’t get them soon, I may just end up being a headline “Woman Gives Lobotomy To The Stupid. Says It Is Necessary For Her Safety And Sanity.” Well, wouldn’t that be an interesting story to tell the Grandkids? “Did we ever tell you about the time Grandma went on a rampage at the local mall?”
Lately, each time Rowan pulls one of her “I’m four going on fourteen” attitudes, my Husband looks at me and says “Scrambled eggs”, meaning The Diva’s attitude is my fault because my “egg” scrambled his genes. I simply look at him and say, “Your sperm had two heads.”

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Category: My Opinions

About the Author ()

I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupid™. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.

Comments (7)

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  1. I wish I had exactly the right thing to say. They definitely do go through stages and if she knows she’s getting a reaction from that screaming, she’s probably using it to her full advantage. But dang it, it’s hard to ignore! Good luck. (((hugs)))

  2. Heather says:

    You sound like me! I am just coming down (rising up?) from exactly what you’re describing. Nothing helped me get out of it, I just had to ride it out! Start with a Keylime Pie martini, that will put you on the road you want to be on!

  3. New to your blog just letting you know I hope you feel better soon!

  4. LadyStyx says:

    *HUGZ* sorry…dont have anymore than that for you.

  5. ChicagoLady says:

    Well, let’s see. Never been married. Never had kids. Guess I’m of no help today! Although the Key Lime Martini sounds delicious!

  6. I think you should seriously consider going to the doctor – ASAP!!! Rule out physical stuff, then see about emotional stuff. Really. Just do it. Don’t talk about it, or think about, just PICK UP THE PHONE AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT!! That alone will make you feel better because you are doing something proactive.

    Try going to bed earlier, and getting up 30-60 minutes before Rowan does. Have your coffee, wake up and make your day’s “game plan”….in peace and quiet.

    You know I understand, so you just gotta trust me on this one hun!! Tons of hugs for ya!!!!!

  7. Roxy says:

    … and the voice of maledom says “there, there dear, you’ll get over it” 🙂

    /me runs for cover.

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