The Evolution Of Underwear

[ 7 ] July 3, 2009 |
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I just took a bath by myself {for once} and while I was in there, I was thinking actual semi~coherent thoughts. OK, semi~coherent for moi, that is. I started thinking about underwear. Well my underwear, anyway. I was thinking that I need to go buy some new ones, since I haven’t bought any in about 3 years. Then I started thinking about how they need to be cotton, not satin, because it’s Summer, we have no central air & I would probably end up with a rash from all the sweat.

Then I remembered that in high school and my early 20’s I would wear the pretty string bikini undies and sexy thongs and not bat an eyelash. Or be at all uncomfortable from my intentional wedgie. They even came out with sanitary pads to fit a thong! Umm, why? I really don’t get it. Maybe it’s because I am old. Maybe it’s because I am a Mom. Or maybe it’s because I do not understand why anyone would want to give themselves a wedgie with a damn Kotex!

At 38 and a Mother of a preschooler, I have to think about the consequences of those kinds of choices. Digging your undies out of your crack while trying to chase after your kid is neither fun nor ladylike.

Don’t get me started on the chonies I wore while pregnant. Everybody told me to wear those cotton {or silky satin} Granny panties. I could not stand them. I could not stand anything over the top of my belly that had elastic in it. I had to have the specialty bikini underwear with the belly part cut out. They were expensive and the elastic broke after just a few washings.

Then after I gave birth, my best friend, Carol, convinced me to get some men’s white cotton briefs to accommodate the saddle like pads the hospital sends you home with. That was interesting, to say the least! They did fit the pads rather nicely, however, wearing men’s nunders was weird. They are thicker than women’s chones and that flap in the front left a lot to be desired. Why is that there anyway? Is it just for ventilation or is it so that men can pee without pulling down their underwear?

Today I am more concerned with The Diva’s underwear, considering that she finally got potty trained right before Easter. I have to make sure she has a clean pair every morning and that I hide the rest from her, because she will change them five times a day, if I am not on top of it.

I am truly happy if my underwear seems clean, has good elastic, no holes and is not the maternity variety. Those damn things have a habit of just mysteriously showing up in the laundry, even though I haven’t needed to wear them in over four years! I can only wear one particular brand of chonies and they ain’t cheap! Gone are the days of tiny sexy undies. Today, I wear cotton bikinis in pretty colors. Comfort is everything for me.

And you know what? My husband doesn’t miss all the sexy undergarments I used to wear. it doesn’t bother him in the least. What does bother him, however, is that I can spend over $100 and only come home with 10 pair. He doesn’t get that comfortable and semi-cute doesn’t come in a 12-pack! GEEZ!

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Category: Thoughts

About the Author ()

I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupid™. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.

Comments (7)

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  1. LOl great post and so true. thanks for the laugh I so can use it today

  2. Mammatalk says:

    So funny! My rear keeps getting wider over time. I think I started with the thongs and now need the bloomers. Oh, my.

  3. LadyStyx says:

    I've needed new ones every 4 months or so lately but that's because I'm losing weight. Cotton! Love it. And yes, depending on how picky you are, cute can be gotten in a 3 pk (never a 12 pk so dream on BRD)! I used to wear those Lovepats ones. So snug that you'd forget you were wearing them!

  4. Yes, it's so they can pee without pulling them down. AND they pee standing up. stupid men!

    You have to read my friend Pam's post on underwear….it will make ya PEE ya panties!!! I'll look it up!

  5. Sara Elizabeth Bonds says:

    If that photo is really the evolution of undies, I am stuck in the '80s! Based on my favorite movies and songs, that makes perfect sense.

  6. If that photo is really the evolution of undies, I am stuck in the '80s! Based on my favorite movies and songs, that makes perfect sense.

  7. Michael Brames says:

    The Underwear of 1950 is back when bleeding that time of the month! The Underwear of 1900 is back when bleeding that heavy time of the month!

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