Things The Diva Said…{Or Did}

[ 3 ] May 14, 2009 |
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I was on the phone with my best friend Carol a couple of weeks ago, walking through the kitchen, when The Diva came up to me and said “Mommy? What is compensation?” Ummm, huh? I heard Carol Ann fall out of her chair, because she was laughing so hard, as I tried to explain compensation…to a 4 year old!


In order to cut the Beautiful~But~Demon~Possessed Cat’s nails, we have to stuff him in a pillow case and pop one paw at a time out, lest your forearms, hands and fingers become hamburger meat for him. My Husband was helping me to perform this task {A very rare occurrence} when The Diva comes over and says, “Be careful, Kitty’s pissed off”, completely deadpan. I didn’t know whether to laugh or be appalled {And rethink the language we use in this house}.


Sitting on the Eau Du Toilette the other night {TMI, I know, but it sets up the visual, so deal} in my postage stamp sized bathroom, which is right next to The Diva’s room, when her door opens very quickly. I see a tiny blur of an arm pop out from behind the door, toss out a pink piece of paper with her latest Monet {Or is it Picasso?} inspired artwork emblazoned on it, then just as quickly, the door is shut.

It was reminiscent of a comical scene from “The People Under The Stairs”, if there is anything comedic about that genre of C~grade scream fests. I found it the height of hilarity {or quirkiness} and could not stop laughing about it. When I told my Husband, all he said was “Scrambled eggs”. HAHA very funny MoFo! You’re the one that scrambled my eggs. This is your fault, buddy. You muddied up my almost pure Irish DNA with your Hispanic muttiness. So there! HMMMPPHH! What nerve!


Every time I tell The Diva to do something, anything at all, practically, she screams “I can’t take this yelling! You’re giving me a headache!” Which is usually followed by a “grrr” of some sort and a slammed door.

To which my Husband responds one of two ways:

  1. By saying to me “I told you, Scrambled Eggs.” To which I always reply “No YOU scrambled my perfectly normal egg with your mutt sperm.”
  2. Or by either miming “She’s a mini-YOU”, or telling me “She’s just like YOU.”

Gee, thanks, honey. So are you saying she gets her brains and beauty from me, too, and not a thing from your twisted gene pool? COOL!!!


Well, that’s what The Diva said, and did, this week. I can’t wait to see what flows through her mind and out her mouth next!

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Category: The Diva

About the Author ()

I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupid™. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.

Comments (3)

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  1. I LOVE the Diva! lol! That girl has diva-ness down, my friend…oh, are you in for it!

    What a great post! Thank you for making me laugh out loud!

  2. I LOVE the Diva! lol! That girl has diva-ness down, my friend…oh, are you in for it!

    What a great post! Thank you for making me laugh out loud!

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