This Is Why Your Widowed Father Should Not Be Allowed On The Internet
Alternate title: He’s leaving on a jet plane. We don’t know if he’ll be back again. Oh, Dad, you know she’s gonna scam you. (Sung to the tune of “Leaving on a Jet Plane” by Peter, Paul & Mary)
About four months ago, my father-in-law called our house at 9 o’clock at night — he never calls that late unless something big happened — and asked to speak to my Husband. I am the curious one, so I asked if we were in trouble or if someone died. He said no, he just wanted to speak to his son. This should have been my first clue that something was up. A couple of minutes into the conversation, my Husband’s eyes got big and he mouthed “he’s moving”. This was not terribly shocking because F has been talking about moving to either New Mexico or Nevada for years. The shock was where he was actually moving to: the Philippines. Yes, a whole other country, literally on the other side of the world. Apparently, F joined a dating site and found himself a 48-year-old Filipino woman with children that he is willing to uproot his whole life for. He has never met her in person and, when he sprang his new life path on us in May, had only “known” her a couple of months. This is why your widowed father should not be allowed on the internet.
Grandpa F is leaving very early Tuesday morning to meet the scammer probable lady-boy internet bride second love of his life. I am truly afraid for him. This person could be dangerous. She could knock him out, take his money and have him dumped in the jungle somewhere. Or worse. I do not want my father-in-law’s heart broken. He doesn’t deserve it. And yes, I know, he’s a 65-year-old adult and can make his own decisions, but what do you do when someone you love makes the most insane decision of his life and cannot see the neon red flags at every turn?
I’ve known this man for twenty-four years. He is normally very level-headed. With the exception of his addiction to horse races, he does nothing that would make anyone think he is off his rocker. When he talks about this woman and his plans to marry her, he sounds like giddy school-boy. He’s joyful. I’ve never heard him this way. I want him to be truly happy and have a second chance at love. We all do. But I fear this will end up breaking his heart.
My Husband says all he can do is love and support his father and let him make his own mistakes. He’s a grown-up, after all. And no, he does not really like what his dad is doing, but feels there is nothing he can do to stop him and F will have to deal with the consequences of his own actions, whatever they may be.
But if it were my father? I’d knock him out, tie him to a chair and have his ass declared incompetent if he would not listen to reason. But I was raised differently. In my family, you don’t let anyone pull stupid shit like this. EVER. That’s how we show love in our family. It’s how my dad raised us — always look out for each other even if that family member gets pissed off.
I know that there is a chance that all my fears will be proven unfounded. However, considering the facts I have been given, that chance is slim and none. You have no idea how much I want this to be a legitimate romance for him. Sadly, I doubt it will happen.
This woman, we’ll call her Misty, because that’s her stripper name — though her real name is Cynthia — has fallen head over heels in love with my father-in-law and him her. They have communicated by phone, snail mail and web chat. Pictures were exchanged. Whether the photos received by F are really her or not, remains to be seen. He even sent her flowers for Mother’s Day. I have never gotten flowers from him. Not even when I gave birth to his youngest grandchild. F has decided he is going to buy a house there in the Philippines with the inheritance from his own recently departed mother. There’s only one problem: non-citizens cannot own property there so the house will go into Misty’s name. Convenient, no? When I questioned F about this, he did not seem phased and actually said that if it didn’t work out he would just give her the house.
What. The. Fuck.
He also said that if the relationship fizzled, he could just go through that country fucking his brains out with for-rent-agents or take one of the other offers from women on the dating site who purport to be rich and will take care of him. And end up with The Clap, AIDS, Herpes simplex 85 and some weird jungle disease that will make his thing fall right the hell off. But he hopes to marry Misty even though he told me on several occasions that he would never get married again. He’s already checked out how to get hitched at the American Consulate in Manila and is bringing his suit — just in case.
Ummm…
We always knew F would start dating at some point, we just thought it would be with someone local. And his own age. This woman is seven years older than his youngest son – my Husband — and two years older than his eldest son. Her youngest child is ten. The Diva is seven. Her oldest is twenty. That is still twenty-one years younger than his youngest and a whole two years older than his eldest granddaughter. He’ll have step-children younger than his flesh and blood and just slightly older than his grand kids. Each time F speaks about Misty, the age she looks gets younger. The first time it was “she’s 48 but looks 30”. The last time it was “she looks 21”. She seems to be getting progressively pubescent. Or my father-in-law is getting dumber blinded by loneliness more smitten. Let’s not forget that he believes that anyone who is against this idea is just jealous because he’ll then have the youngest, prettiest wife in the family! I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried, folks. I’m a good writer and I’m pretty creative, but I’m not that damn good.
By the way, I’m the youngest wife in the family. I’m 41, she’s 48. I win.
Does anyone see a problem here or am I just being bitchy?
My Husband and I were still trying to wrap our minds around this revelation when F announced that he may adopt this strange woman’s children.
LOLWUT?!?!?!?!
Hey honey, you may be getting two new sisters, one of whom is only three years older than your daughter. How do you feel about that?
HUH?!?!?!?!
But my father-in-law has assured us that he has made his will iron-clad and the life insurance is enough for us to buy a house anywhere we want and have money left over. His home in Orange County is to be sold and the proceeds divided equally between the three granddaughters for their education. Well that puts our minds at ease. NOT.
While I’m honored that F wants to make sure all of us are taken care of after his passing, I would prefer him to be here and a part of our daughter’s life for as long as possible. He is The Diva’s only grandparent and she absolutely loves him to bits. His moving is breaking her heart. And ours.
I have tried to talk to F about how crazy this idea of his sounds, but his mind is set. I have expressed my trepidation because you never know who a person you meet online truly is in real life. She could be after his money. He could get off the plane, walk through the door of her house and be murdered. Or she could wait until after the wedding and adoption to off him. If she waits until after the nuptials, Misty will be set for life, even without a life insurance policy. She will get F’s military disability pension, retirement and his social security. Plus she will be able to go to any military base in the world and her children will have medical insurance until they are twenty-five – provided F adopted them. That’s what I call making out like a bandit! Hell, she didn’t have to do much of anything to get it, either.
Let’s not forget she will get a very expensive and large house regardless of what happens. She wins either way. I wonder if my father-in-law would still be on the hook for the mortgage on that place if he can’t even be on the deed?
F says he’s being careful. He knows what he’s doing. Sure you do. You’re still using Internet Explorer and we all know what a great and safe browser that is, don’t we???
Even the story about her youngest child’s birth and Baby Daddy did not shout “scam” to my father-in-law. Supposedly, Miss Misty went to Iran to work as a domestic (housekeeper). While there, she either had an affair with the wealthy boss or met an Iranian man and had a baby with him. That’s all plausible until you hear the second, and most fantastical, part of the story: Baby Daddy #2 decided to become a Muslim extremist and wanted Misty to convert from her Catholicism for him. She refused, things got bad and she fled to Turkey on horseback with a wee babe in her arms.
So now the scam artist is being chased by Muslim extremists??? And it doesn’t make anyone, including my father-in-law, say “back the truck up, Nellie”???
Misty does not have her own computer, so she uses one in the local internet café. While this could be a completely innocent activity, since the Philippines is a very poor country and wages are extremely low. To me I see it as a way to hide the criminal’s IP address. But maybe I’m just bitter and mistrusting?
Nah, I’m just really damn smart and I can smell an internet scam from 20 miles away. The fact that F cannot, no matter how many times I try to point it out to him, is what frightens me the most. And if anyone else in the family smells danger, they aren’t saying much. It seems most everyone is content to let my father-in-law have his lapse in judgment. I just don’t know that I can sit idly by and watch someone I love do this to themselves. I’m not one of those laid-back kind of people. By the way, F’s mom’s house has not sold yet, so at least there’s that. Though it’s no real solace because he’s still leaving in two short days and we have no idea when, or if, he’ll ever come back.
What would you do? Would you do anything you could to stop your dad from making this kind of mistake or would you support him, even with your misgivings, and hope the heartbreak isn’t too painful?
Category: Family, WTF?? File
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I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupid™. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.Subscribe
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OMG – wow… I don’t know what you could say that you haven’t said already… maybe, ask him what he would he advise if the situation was happening with his own son?
Do you have her address? Maybe notify the consulate with your fears?
So many warning signs – the Internet Cafe, the Extremist Baby Daddy…the house, the adoption…holy crap!
I, too live in So Cal (North OC) and my father lived with us until he passed away in 2008. He also had an obsession with horse racing. AND I used to manage offshore workers in the Manila.
NOT that I have any words of wisdom because of these coincidences…just that I wanted to add to your chorus , omg – red flag, red flag!
(BTW, I found your article because someone in a FB group I’m in posted about a site that’s scraping content – and this post is on it. The site is moms dot gclink dot us )
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Thanks, Gracie.
What FB group? Is anyone else trying to get the site taken down or filing DMCA requests? That blog has a crap ton of scraped content on it.
WOW! This is quite a story. Your father-in-law is grown and although you don’t agree, you can’t stop him. My mom is pretty set in her ways too, but she’s a skeptic by nature.
I say hire a private eye and do a little research on Misty. If you need the name of one, I can provide it.
Good luck and keep us updated!
It’s not only that we don’t agree, it’s the whole “this screams scam” thing and the fact that he’s blind to it. If it turns out to be legit, I’ll make a public apology. However, the chances of that happening are about what a snowball’s chance has in hell. LOL
You already know how I feel about this and the more I hear, the crazier it gets. I agree with the other ladies in that he is an adult and aside from this completely crazy stunt that he’s about to pull, he’s in his right mind so there isn’t a whole lot you can do, but you already know that.
If it were my father or FIL I would do whatever I had to do to make sure he didn’t get on the plane, but I know that you’re limited in what action you can actually take. All I can say is that I hope that his children all come to their senses before it’s too late and then beg him to at least delay his trip until he gets to know her better.
No matter what happens I just hope that he finds what he’s looking for safely and that he doesn’t get hurt. Big hugs to all y’all!
Misadventurous Mommy recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Mommy’s Big Boy
I found love on the internet, so I’m really pulling for him here! I know it all seems fast, but maybe that’s what he needs. I get that blind support isn’t really possible when you love someone, but hopefully he proves you wrong, for his sake.
Michele recently posted..Random Thoughts Thursday… On Sunday!
Yes, but was your love in a different country? It’s one thing to be an American and find an online match in, say, Canada, but to believe you’ve found true love with someone in a very underdeveloped country known for poverty and online dating scams? That’s a whole other matter.
Nope, across the country, but not out of it. I can only imagine how scared you are for him. I wasn’t trying to be insensitive, I just really do hope it works out for him.
Michele recently posted..Random Thoughts Thursday… On Sunday!
I understand. But it’s whole different ballgame between finding love in another state and the other side of the world. As I said in the post, I WANT this to be legit, for his sake. But the chances of it being so are slim and none.
Shan recently posted..This Is Why Your Widowed Father Should Not Be Allowed On The Internet
Oh my! My own dad is in that age range and also a widower and I swear if this were my Dad I might be tempted to hog tie him in the basement for his own good. Sure, he’s a grown man but the world is a very different place when men of this age last went looking for love.
You aren’t being cynical, nothing about this situation says legit, it all screams SHADY. I hope you guys can talk him out of this.
Blackgirlinmaine recently posted..It’s all about meeeeeeeeeeeee! A nasty little disease.
We couldn’t talk him out of it. He got on a plane and left LAX at 1:47am this morning. He’ll be arriving in Taipei in about 3 hours and then will take a puddle jumper to Manila where Misty will pick him up in her borrowed car. No doubt with the Muslim extremists not far behind. You know, since she fled with his baby on horseback to Turkey in the middle of the night…
I’m just so scared for him. If it turns out to be the scam we all think it is, it may break him. If he gets physically hurt or worse, it may break this family.
If it’s legit, I will apologize for calling her a stripper, but not for feeling this sounded like a scam. Because everyone I have told about it or who has seen this post feels exactly the same way. Well, except the woman who commented saying she found love online. I know that does happen, however, those matches are usually with someone in your own damn city and country. Just sayin’.
Have you heard from your FIL?? I have been thinking about this all week, just worrying alongside you (hope that doesn’t sound too creepy LOL).
Nope, haven’t heard a peep. My Husband is going with “no news is good news”, but I’m still worried.
Shan recently posted..This Is Why Your Widowed Father Should Not Be Allowed On The Internet
in evrey international dating website you will find fake profiles and scammers! but you will also find genuine profiles of serius women who are looking for serius men, just be careful and dont ever give important information online (credit cards numbers, bank account etc…)
So … what has happened? I certainly hope nothing bad, but I have been looking for an update and haven’t found anything.
I’m writing a post on that as we speak. I’m not sure if it’s worse or better. LOL
What happened? My Father, 83, just told us he is “moving’ to the Philippines with his 60 yr old girlfriend so they can build a house. How the hell can I stop it???
The only way to stop your dad is to get him declared incompetent and get conservatorship over him. Is his girlfriend Filipina? Non-citizens cannot own property there, so she we be the legal owner and he would likely be on the hook for the loan.
My father-in-law came back after three weeks because he couldn’t hack the humidity. He has now paid an inordinate amount of money to get the woman and her child visas to come here to the states. He plans to marry her and pay for the daughter to go to a private school. He also plans to pay for ballet classes for the child. Something he won’t do for his flesh and blood granddaughter. I’m a wee bit pissed about that one.
I got divorced recently from my husband, 64, of 34 years after he went to Asia on business and met a “much younger” Filippina, had a several-year affair with her which, he thought resulted in a baby. My ex, a professional man who has been an expert witness in court cases, didn’t have the child DNA tested because he believed the baby looked like him. On the child’s birth certificate, my ex is named as the father.
My ex also had the nerve to tell me that he “was not unhappy” to learn that his paramour was pregnant. Due to surgery of a few years ago, my ex’s doctor had told him he is sterile. My ex told me that he planned to tell his surgeon about his miracle baby. Maybe, my ex thought, his surgeon could write about this in a medical journal.
I estimate he spent at least $20,000 of our money on child support, trips and gifts to the woman and her family. The money was almost as much as the college loans that one of our sons’ had to take out due to (we later realized) his father’s cavorting with this woman.
In the divorce settlement, I required that the child get DNA tested. My husband tried to avoid this, telling my lawyer that his mother had seen pictures of his son and his mother thought the child looked like him. After our divorce, my ex proudly posted pictures on FB of himself and the child, who is now 3. My ex was so sure of paternity that he got the testing.
My lawyer just told me about the results: The baby is not my ex’s.
This time last year, my sons were coping with learning that their father (who last month retired and moved permanently to Asia) had been unfaithful and had had a baby. Now, I have to tell them that their father not only was unfaithful, but also is a damned fool. Making this all more difficult is the fact that until this affair, my ex had been an exemplary husband and father.
I am at a loss for words. My own father just told me similar news. Separated a year, online chatting for 6 months. Trip to the Phil’s booked to meet and go on an undetermined tour…..tell me there is hope. Also, he has made all major mistakes. Sent money, pics of family, calls 5 hrs a day …as for this ‘ misty’…she is poor, but educated, has no money for food but chats online all day….makes me barf. This man raised me?,?! Wtf indeed. I could hug u, ur husband and ur kids. I feel broken. Maybe we could lock up the fathers together? Maybe they could fall in love? Geez……
My story is similar to Metta above.
My dad started working abroad in South East Asian countries and eventually my mother found some evidence of him having an affair.
Turns out the girl he was seeing was 17 (he was 56), which was younger than his eldest son at the time.
Anyway, after my parents got divorced I saw him every weekend or so. Then one time (I was 15), at his new house, completely without warning, a young asian girl just walked into the room.
All I can say is it was FUCKING CREEPY beyond belief. Their whole relationship dynamic was fucked up. Almost like a father and daughter. It felt like I was being introduced to my dad’s prostitute.
He was a very narcissistic, misogynistic and controlling person. These young asian girls tend to be very submissive, complacent and have a very child-like personality.
My dad went to the Philippines in February of this year in a similar situation. He died there Sunday. He was sick, alone, and neglected, surrounded by people who only cared when the next check was coming and began trying to extort money from us within hours of his death, and because he married her, there is NOTHING we’ve been able to do. We can’t even get his remains back to bury. Anyone reading this who has a loved one who says they want to do this, stop them in any way that you can. I couldn’t stop my dad and this cost him his life.