But She’s My Baby

[ 10 ] November 12, 2010 |

The Diva got her first kiss.

From a boy.

At school, on Wednesday.

He kissed her on the nose.

He’s five. Ro is is 5 3/4.

She says she doesn’t really like him. The kiss happened after they complimented each other’s school pictures.

After Mrs. M told us what happened, his mother looked at me like she was bracing for a torrent of expletives wrapped around a curse for her son.  The kid is not good material  for our girl anyway. He was also in trouble for cutting his hair with scissors during art time.

All I did was laugh and say “Daddy is not going to be happy about this one.”

Then it occurred to me.

My baby is growing up and one day she will get a real kiss from a real boy and he will inevitably break her heart, as first crushes always do. But I’m not ready for that yet.

She is still my baby.

Those first crushes are off in the forever and a day future I don’t want to think about now. I will be there to comfort her, of course, but it seems like it should be a long time from now that this will happen, not just a few short years away.

I feel like I blinked and she went from a baby nestled in my arms to an independent little girl. And I missed it all.

I remember being pregnant. I can even remember how my body felt. I also remember how it felt to hold this tiny baby in my arms, knowing she was completely dependent on me for her every need. I remember the sweet smell of the top of her head.

And I blinked.

Just for a second.

And she is five years old. Almost six, really.

And I can’t remember how we got here.

I keep thinking that I must have missed something. Time cannot go this fast.

Can it?

She is still my baby. I want to keep her that way for as long as I can.

I want to savor every moment with my girl. This beautiful child who is a girly tom-boy, just like I was.

The whirling dervish who wears a princess dress with Chuck’s.

And has a stuffed bunny for a baby doll that she carries everywhere and two actual dollies named LuLu and Mookie.

I want to burn these moments, however fleeting, into my mind and not forget how we got from newborn to little girl in a flash. I need these memories. I need to know that I didn’t miss anything. I also need to know that she has these memories, too. I don’t want either of us to look back on her childhood and see a blur of mishmashed flashes of time, disjointed and meaningless. I want joys and smiles and laughter and love. I want the memories to wrap us in warmth and happiness like a down comforter on a cold winter’s night.

Because she is still my baby. She always will be.

And I want her to remember this:

Faith, hope, love. These three. The greatest of which is love.

Because if I fail at everything else, at least I know that I gave her the greatest gift a mother can give her child, unconditional love. And doing that seemingly simple act, made my heart burst with a love I never knew was possible.

And it healed me.

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Category: The Diva, Thoughts

About the Author ()

I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupid™. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.

Comments (10)

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  1. Court says:

    So precious. I so relate to this, as my sleeping, sick and puny, three-year-old daughter rests on me.. I constantly tell her, you’re my baby! And she pats me on my arm, and says: I know mommy. It is going by so fast and I can’t for the life of me slow it down! But you are so right, love is the thing. It’s like they are a piece of our hearts out there walking around away from us in the big, bad world.
    Court recently posted..homeMy Profile

    • Shan says:

      I know. I just want to put her in a bubble and make sure nothing ever hurts her, but I know I can’t. I can’t shelter her, that will only cause it’s own set of problems.

  2. sarah says:

    It goes way to fast. I look at my sleeping boys and think it was to far ago that I held them and loved them. wanting them to stay little forever. I now look at them and hear of them talking when they get big and what they want to do. I am so not ready for them to be big!

    The diva knows she is loved.

  3. It’s too soon!!! Savor it while you can. I can’t believe how my kids grew up right under my nose like they did. I love the dress with chucks, LOL!
    Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell recently posted..What Happens When You Lose Your Hard Drive and Your MindMy Profile

    • Shan says:

      Yes, she does have her very own sense of style, that child of mine. 😛 And yes, it is way too soon. I am very much trying to savor each moment, but it gets so hard when you work from home and have clients to please so you can get the money to do/buy cool things for them.

      OY. I need to find more balance.

  4. Carrie says:

    I know exactly how you feel. I find myself trying to burn EVERY moment into memory.

  5. kate says:

    Just gorgeous. You could have been writing about me and my 6 year old daughter – she even has tje stuffed rabbit!
    kate recently posted..Cracking Cheese BrianMy Profile

  6. Christine says:

    Oh my…. my heart just melted and tears are falling slowly down my face….
    Oh how I remember each of my children, now 22, 18 and 17 – I read this as I hold my first granddaughter, so small, so sweet and just 2 weeks old… I felt my heart and my head take snapshots to freeze in time, to set aside to pull out and remember years from now…

    Oh my… Faith, Hope and Love – the greatest of these is Love.

  7. Robert M. says:

    I definitely agree.. time flies so fast.Savor every
    minute now if you think she still a baby..
    I enjoy your blog.

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