But She’s My Baby

The Diva got her first kiss.

From a boy.

At school, on Wednesday.

He kissed her on the nose.

He’s five. Ro is is 5 3/4.

She says she doesn’t really like him. The kiss happened after they complimented each other’s school pictures.

After Mrs. M told us what happened, his mother looked at me like she was bracing for a torrent of expletives wrapped around a curse for her son.  The kid is not good material  for our girl anyway. He was also in trouble for cutting his hair with scissors during art time.

All I did was laugh and say “Daddy is not going to be happy about this one.”

Then it occurred to me.

My baby is growing up and one day she will get a real kiss from a real boy and he will inevitably break her heart, as first crushes always do. But I’m not ready for that yet.

She is still my baby.

Those first crushes are off in the forever and a day future I don’t want to think about now. I will be there to comfort her, of course, but it seems like it should be a long time from now that this will happen, not just a few short years away.

I feel like I blinked and she went from a baby nestled in my arms to an independent little girl. And I missed it all.

I remember being pregnant. I can even remember how my body felt. I also remember how it felt to hold this tiny baby in my arms, knowing she was completely dependent on me for her every need. I remember the sweet smell of the top of her head.

And I blinked.

Just for a second.

And she is five years old. Almost six, really.

And I can’t remember how we got here.

I keep thinking that I must have missed something. Time cannot go this fast.

Can it?

She is still my baby. I want to keep her that way for as long as I can.

I want to savor every moment with my girl. This beautiful child who is a girly tom-boy, just like I was.

The whirling dervish who wears a princess dress with Chuck’s.

And has a stuffed bunny for a baby doll that she carries everywhere and two actual dollies named LuLu and Mookie.

I want to burn these moments, however fleeting, into my mind and not forget how we got from newborn to little girl in a flash. I need these memories. I need to know that I didn’t miss anything. I also need to know that she has these memories, too. I don’t want either of us to look back on her childhood and see a blur of mishmashed flashes of time, disjointed and meaningless. I want joys and smiles and laughter and love. I want the memories to wrap us in warmth and happiness like a down comforter on a cold winter’s night.

Because she is still my baby. She always will be.

And I want her to remember this:

Faith, hope, love. These three. The greatest of which is love.

Because if I fail at everything else, at least I know that I gave her the greatest gift a mother can give her child, unconditional love. And doing that seemingly simple act, made my heart burst with a love I never knew was possible.

And it healed me.

Tags: First Kiss, Memories, The Diva

Category: The Diva, Thoughts