Conversations About My Phone

[ 12 ] January 11, 2012 |
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Anyone Who Tries To Call Me At Home: Why don’t you ever answer your phone?

Me: The Diva gave it a bath a while back and it doesn’t ring anymore.

AWTTCMAH: Why don’t you just buy a new one?

Me: It works fine except for the not ringing part. Oh and I dropped one of the handsets, so the caller ID screen doesn’t work on that one anymore. Plus the one I would want to replace it with is over $200 and I can’t justify the expense right now. I also kind of like not being disturbed by a ringing phone every 10 minutes.

AWTTCMAH: But what if there’s an emergency? Don’t you want to know about something like that?

Me: They’ll call back if it’s important. Or leave a message.

AWTTCMAH: That’s another thing. Your machine is always full. Why is that?

Me: I have messages saved.


Me: Evidence.

AWTTCMAH: Of what? What could you possibly need so much “evidence” of?

Me: Well, there’s my Evil SIL saying she’s sorry and won’t do the things she’s been doing to me anymore. Which, of course, she’s still doing. And a former landlord admitting to the shitty things he did to us and why. Those are kept for the lawsuit. And the current landlord giving permission for us to add deadbolts to the doors to keep Ro from wandering the neighborhood while we sleep. Probably a couple of phone numbers of people I don’t want to lose. Hubby’s nieces singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Ro when she turned 1 year old. Stuff like that.

AWTTCMAH: Why not just record it on a voice recorder?

Me: I don’t have one. And I need the time stamp stuff for proof.

AWTTCMAH: So you’ll just drag your phone to court if you have to? And how old is that thing, anyway?

Me: Yes. Why? That’s not OK? It was bought when Ro was about 4 months old. So, what? Almost seven years old? It’s a good phone. Corded base with answering machine and two cordless handsets. And when the power goes out, I can still call out for help.

AWTTCMAH: There is something not right about you, Shan.

Me: You’re just realizing this now? Boy, are you slow on the uptake.

AWTTCMAH: I got nothin’…

Me: Admit it, you still love me. I’m very loveable. And? You know no one else like me. I’m unique.

AWTTCMAH: Still, nothin’.

Me: That’s harsh, dude.

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Category: Thoughts

About the Author ()

I'm Shan and I 'm the creator of The Asylum and a magnet for The Free Range Stupidβ„’. I'm a little nutty, a lot sarcastic and pretty damn smart. I am also a graphic designer, blog coder, virtual assistant, free lance writer and can whip you up a killer resume, media kit or press release that would make others green with envy. Go to Skewed Design Studios to check out my services. You won't be disappointed.

Comments (12)

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  1. LadyStyx says:

    Oh my…. *attempts to stifle a giggle and ends up losing her Pepsi up her nose*
    LadyStyx recently posted..A couple of new thingsMy Profile

  2. Susan says:

    You’re too funny. 7 years, a bath, really?? Get a new phone already. No get a cell phone so we can text already.

  3. Shin says:

    Lol, you better buy a new one and while your at it add a voice recorder.

  4. Cat Davis says:

    LOL A phone that doesn’t ring would be a blessing in this house. I don’t answer it anyways so it may as well not ring.
    Cat Davis recently posted..Bananas Foster Puff Pockets Dessert Recipe #CreativeCrescentsMy Profile

  5. sarah says:

    This made me giggle! I needed this. There is so much more about the events of the last week. We need a chat
    sarah recently posted..Wordless Wednesday with LinkyMy Profile

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